Holiday hours: A New Year’s Day guide to places that never close

It’s Jan. 1 and you’re hungover. Or still drunk. And probably hungry. And maybe you really want to get on that resolution to see more women naked this year. Good thing for you, perverted/starving go-getter, The A.V. Club has compiled this helpful guide on what to do and where to recuperate on New Year’s Day when everything else is closed.

Bars
Local watering holes are the standbys of every holiday, as is stressing out and drinking too much. It’s the snake that eats itself. There's no reason the party has to end, and nobody knows how to party like the Irish. Coincidentally, Kip's Irish Pub (9970 Wayzata Blvd., St. Louis Park, 952-367-5070) opens its doors at 6:30 a.m. every Friday. Majors Sports Cafe (6440 Wayzata Blvd., Golden Valley, 763-746-2280) offers an extra incentive to start the year lazy and drunk: a free Bloody Mary to anyone who shows up in their pajamas between 11 a.m. and 2 p.m. The holiday does, after all, fall at the beginning of the weekend; once you’ve started the party, and after the ball drops but before you’re ready to quit, there’s nothing like keeping that holiday buzz going until the sad stupor of Monday morning.

Strip clubs
Why not carry over the boozy New Year’s Eve celebrations into a day of adult fun? Like a bar with benefits, strip clubs offer the perfect after-holiday, family-free escape, and gives you a place to spend that $15 Christmas/Hanukkah check from your grandmother. Since most restaurants will likely be closed for the holiday, places such as Schiek's (115 4th St. S., 612-341-0054)—which offers busty ladies and better-than-expected eats—can also double as your post-NYE dinner spot. Just don’t forget to spread the holiday cheer with some friends and lots of cash—no one likes the solo creep/broke guy sitting under the pole.

Gyms
If you’re good at following through on your yearly resolutions, then you’ll be glad to know that most YMCA locations open at 8 a.m. on New Year’s Day. Every year, we bloated Americans make the resolution to lose weight, and with a plethora of aerobics classes, treadmills, ellipticals, free and machine weights, and a full basketball court and swimming pool at some locations, the Y has options for even the most exercise-phobic soul. Plus, the hardcore workout enthusiasts will surely be at the gym in full force, providing plenty of visually stimulating glutes and super-toned abs to remind you that those MPs (motivational pants) you bought two sizes down last month could soon become a reality for 2010. 

Convenience stores
The grocery store might be open, but who wants to deal with the post-holiday insanity of clearance candy canes and hams? Twin Cities staple Super America is open for business. The old faithful of convenience stores has a variety that beats any supermarket: candy bars, sandwiches, milk, toilet paper, energy drinks—Super America’s bounty is limitless. While everyone else is waiting in line at some overcrowded, over-priced brunch, you could take a brisk walk to the SA, collect your Gatorade and beef jerky hangover cure, and be back in bed in 10 minutes.

Movie theaters
Just about every movie theater is open 365 days a year—federal holidays, religious observances, and beleaguered employees be damned. There are box-office numbers to boost and concession sales to be made, and the film projectors stop for no one. Not even national tragedy: A lot of theaters opened the day after 9/11, even as the rest of the country stayed home and fixated to their television sets. And for those in need of a two-hour mental break—from news media overload or too many New Year’s Eve cocktails—the theater industry’s dogged never-close policy is almost always in practice, which is a yearlong reassurance.