Local Newswire Manuary calls upon citizens to pick the hottest men of Minnesota

There’s still another month and a half until the entire nation gets swept up in the bracket fever of March Madness, but thankfully the people at myTalk 107 are taking a break from getting every celebrity’s name slightly wrong to present an even more competitive tournament to help pass the time until the college basketball postseason.

That’s right, it’s Manuary (you know, like “man” and “January”), which can only mean it’s time we faithful Minnesotans are called upon to pick the hottest men in our fair state. We’re pretty sure President Obama fills out one of these charts every year, too.

First-round voting is already underway, and, from the looks of it, things are already starting to get ugly. While it’s fairly predictable that Timberwolves cutie Ricky Rubio (a.k.a. The Exotic Bieber) has already taken a swift lead over KSTP meteorologist Ken Barlow (nice to have you back, though, Ken—maybe cool it on the bronzer), there are a few more contentious battles going on that will lay the groundwork for some intense passive-aggressive grudges and rivalries over the next few years, chief among them Bring Me The News’ Rick Kupchella’s current lead over WCCO’s ever-ubiquitous Jason DeRusha. Play fair, boys.

A closer look at the bracket reveals other oddities (why is super-hunk Frank Vascellaro battling a character from Peanuts? Better question: why not?), but it’s all sort of moot considering it’s basically written in the stars that this contest belongs to RT Rybak, only the sexiest mayor in the entire U.S. of A. We don’t know about you, but we plan to clear out our cookies as many times as it takes for justice to prevail here. You can’t let Mike Pomeranz spoil this thing.

Meanwhile, Joe Mauer gets engaged and the women of Minnesota retaliate with a big old snub.