Sounds Of The Hunchback Whale

Phantom Tails have all the makings of a solid rock band. They've got the sound: Their new self-produced LP is a potpourri of garage, punk, hard rock, and '90s grunge, all played with a very hip collection of instruments, from analog synthesizers and fuzz bass to 808 samples and whale songs. They’ve got the look: Skinny, impeccably dressed frontman Orion Treon is backed by sly-looking bass player Dave Dorman, no-nonsense drummer/beat master Logan Kerkhof, and long-locked, top-hatted keyboardist Sergio Hernandez. They’ve even got a good name that conjures images of the long-gone tails we humans used to have at the ends of our coccyges. This album is like those tails. There’s a hint of something cool there, but we can’t quite feel it enough to wag it.

Take “The Oven Of Romance,” which is full of things to love: synthesized claps, a timeless hard-rock bassline, and an electric organ that takes us for a ride before Treon’s gritty voice comes in to make us feel sexy. Derivative isn’t quite the word, because the quartet is trying its damnedest to bring cool sounds together in a way that hasn’t exactly been done before. We may feel like we’re listening to Thriller one minute, The Kinks the next, but when’s the last time that happened all in one song? And with the comforting percussive clicks and D-flat moans of a humpback whale?

It’s not bad—it’s like candy. But with all that great rock influence, we want to eat cake. Phantom Tails need to grind up that candy, throw it in a pan, mix in some serious angst, soul, pain, grit, anger, lust—something that comes from them and them alone—and bake at 1 million fucking degrees. When it’s done, take it to the dance floor, the mosh pit, wherever, and let’s shake it 'til our tails grow back.

Phantom Tails play their CD-release show tonight at the Hexagon Bar with Reckless Ones, Fort Wilson Riot, and Bight Club.