Summer festival cheat sheet: July '09
We've got the details, you bring the beer money and flip-flops
Stacy Schwartz
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Like death and taxes, the summer festival season is one of those inevitable forces that humans would do well to embrace. Unlike death, most of the Twin Cities' annual outdoor celebrations don't require your heart to stop beating (give or take an artery-clogging cheese-curd binge). Unlike taxes, you can't pay someone else to do the tedious fest-going parts for you. (Does parking count?) In any case, here's a handy roundup of July's most notable orgies of food, music, crafts, and naked humanity. (An August edition will follow.)
Taste Of Minnesota (July 2-5)
It’s called that because: It tastes like Minnesota—part classic-rock nostalgia, part lutefisk.
For fans of: fireworks, fried food, Bret Michaels, those late-night 93X commercials, and Elvis Costello.
Apt souvenir: a hangover sprinkled with a slight sense of eater's remorse, and a glimmering strand of Michaels’ alleged hairweave.
Beer-to-enjoyment ratio: 5-to-2. Grain Belt and Schell's are the official sponsors of this Fourth Of July weekend bash, so beer stands should be easier to spot than bad tattoos.
Basilica Block Party (July 10-12)
It’s called that because: It’s a music-oriented fest that takes place in the shadows of America’s very first basilica, an ornate and religious architectural masterpiece. It's also a wicked party spot.
For fans of: crows (black and counting); homegrown favorites like The Hold Steady, The Jayhawks, and Tapes ’N Tapes; and really expensive Roman Catholic structures.
Apt souvenir: onset of nasal congestion and rhyme-irony that inspires you to sing-talk like Craig Finn.
Beer-to-enjoyment ratio: 3-to-5. There’s nothing like the grassy grounds of a glorious Catholic monument to get the beer flowing. But the music lineup this year is so good (albeit a little white-bread) that you might pass up your fourth Michelob Golden in favor of a golden ticket to rock heaven.
Dragon Festival (July 11-12)
It’s called that because: This celebration of Asian Pacific art, food, music, and tradition recognizes the significance of the dragon in Chinese culture. Also, three words: Dragon. Boat. Races.
For fans of: super-sweet dragon-themed boats, martial arts, taiko drumming, and did we mention the super-sweet dragons?
Apt souvenir: finely crafted Asian tchotchkes, mild indigestion caused by deliciously authentic food that your tender Anglo stomach couldn't handle, and anything resembling a super-sweet dragon.
Beer-to-enjoyment ratio: 0-to-4. This one's less a keg-fueled party than it is a celebration of people and place. That said, a crisp, cold lager goes down extra-easy with fresh-made tempura.
Bastille Day Block Party (July 12)
It’s called that because: In 1789, French populists stormed of the Bastille, a Parisian fortress and prison. What better excuse to party in front of a French restaurant?
For fans of: France, Barbette, pommes frites, accordions, and bands like Romantica and Halloween, Alaska.
Apt souvenir: one of a zillion artsy doodads. Iriving Avenue will turn into a mini-Montmartre, with local artists selling their wares for cheap.
Beer-to-enjoyment ratio: 3-to-5. The French, they like drinkin', right? Beer, vodka, and champagne will be on hand at this zero-waste event.
Aquatennial (July 17-25)
It’s called that because: This 70-year-old festival is about water and all that comes with it: boats, floats, queens, aquatics, and that unmistakable lake smell.
For fans of: wetness, fireworks, boats, boat-themed stuff, genteel pageantry, and Lord Fletcher's.
Apt souvenir: a poor, water-soaked cardboard boat made to look like a giraffe or Dick Cheney.
Beer-to-enjoyment ratio: 0-to-3. It’s against the law to drink and boat, people.
Rondo Days (July 16-18)
It’s called that because: This celebration is dedicated to observing the contributions made by the black community in St. Paul's Rondo neighborhood, which spurs continued bewilderment over why I-94 was allowed to sever an entire community in the 1960s.
For fans of: parades, drill-team competitions, local gospel musicians, and St. Paul history.
Apt souvenir: a tuneful ringing in your ear and a strong desire to join a drill team and
Beer-to-enjoyment ratio: 1-to-5. The daytime parade and infectious drum beats might be all you need to dance without shame.
