News Net Target received free advertising by sinking truck in pond this morning

Since sifting through dull newspapers, hyperbolic blogs, and overflowing RSS feeds for meaningful news can be an arduous process, News Net catches and compiles both the amusing and the significant reports that were overlooked throughout the week. Here are some things to think about as the weekend begins. 

• Let this be a lesson to all of you: Nobody likes an insincere and nondescript holiday mass text. And while Jennifer Bartsch of Winona most likely got a few eye rolls from her boring-as-hell “Happy New Year” text, she also got two nights in jail after one of the 50 people she sent the message to just happened to an ex-boyfriend who has a restraining order against her. Bartsch said she had forgotten her ex (who she had come into conflict with earlier over a property dispute) was in her phonebook and has since swiftly deleted him, something Bartsch’s best friend should have done for her the second they broke up.

• While we’re obviously relieved that a Target semi-truck driver was unharmed when he drove his vehicle off of I-94 and into a pond full of wafer-thin ice, we’re extra happy for the driver’s sake that this didn’t happen while he was carrying a ton of Missoni for Target merchandise. Somebody would have been fired.

• As if we needed any more proof that Comcast was the devil’s favorite media conglomerate, the mini-monopoly announced earlier this week that it will be raising its prices yet again come February. Price gouging is expected with Comcast these days, but just in case the company was risking not pissing enough people off, the company also announced it will be moving the commercial-free Turner Classic Movies from its Digital Starter package to its more expensive Digital Preferred tier. If you recall, Comcast pulled a similar move late last year when it did the same with Great American Country. Bad news for those planning a night of Clark Gable movies and Carrie Underwood videos. Someone should write a song.

• The DNR is reporting that gray wolf hunting is a viable option in 2012 due to overpopulation and sustainability concerns. Whatever the valid ecological reason, we reserve the right to hate anyone who enjoys killing one. To make it harder for you, we’ve named them all Rubio.

• Finally, we’re excited as anyone that the Girl Scouts of America are celebrating their 100th anniversary this year, but did they have to celebrate it by introducing such a lame-sounding cookie? Next time you fill out that order form handed to you by a co-worker being forced into doing their daughter’s bidding for them, you’ll notice something called Savannah Smiles, which are being described as “a cool and crisp lemon wedge cookie.” Ok, whatever. Couldn’t they have just marked the occasion by doubling the size of a Tagalong box?