High Five Tearing this movie apart, Lisa: 5 subtle tidbits about The Room gleaned after 5 viewings

Trying to figure out how The Room, truly one of the worst movies ever made, became a cult sensation at Los Angeles screenings is almost as baffling as the movie itself. It’s a 2003 film produced, written, directed, and starred in by Tommy Wiseau—a pale, lumpy Fabio-type with an indiscernible Frank Caliendo-doing-the-Governator accent. The movie’s focus concerns Johnny, who’s engaged to Lisa, but she’s secretly having an affair with his best friend Mark. Other head-scratching plot points include: a random drug deal; an unexplained, out-of-the-blue cancer diagnosis; and lots and lots of ugly softcore sex—it’s like someone took a Skinemax film but stretched out all the really bad parts. Regardless, plenty of people subscribe wholeheartedly to The Room’s “so bad it’s good” doctrine, and the midnight screenings, often attended by Wiseau himself, are raucous affairs. There’s plenty of cheering, lots of laughing, and more than enough MST3K-style witticisms. To get everyone on the same page before The Room screens Friday, Jan. 26 at midnight, at the Uptown Theater, The A.V. Club offers up a few insider factoids.

1) Lisa wasn’t always a cheater.
After a gruesome lovemaking scene within the movie’s first five minutes—Johnny eclipsing Lisa’s body is reminiscent of a flesh-eating leech—Lisa tells her unsympathetic mother Claudette she doesn’t love Johnny anymore, then immediately calls Mark for support. She’s just so sick of people trying to control her life, and asks Mark what she should do. “What do you want me to say. I mean, you should enjoy your life,” he posits innocently. Lisa sits, thinks for a second. “Maybe you’re right. [Pause.] Can I see you tomorrow?” Despite Lisa greeting Mark with “Hey baby” (innocent enough for a friendly chat, perhaps), the conversation hadn’t been flirtatious at all until then. But it’s in that moment when Lisa, hearing Mark’s vague directive, decides to, yes, enjoy her life—and “enjoy” it she will.

2) Johnny’s just a typical guy. Really. Really.
It’s not enough that Johnny works a thankless job so he can support Lisa. No, Wiseau insists we see the many shades of normal apparently residing deep within this intimidating lout of a character. Thus we get plenty of shots of him jogging alongside Mark and laughing at nothing, as typical people do, plus the most unnecessary scene of any movie—Johnny visiting the flower shop on his way home one day. He a) orders a dozen red roses; b) is greeted by the owner, who knows him by name; c) tips her $2; d) pets the store dog; e) is told he’s the owner’s favorite customer; and f) jogs to his car, just so damn excited to get home. Cut to Lisa, ordering Johnny’s favorite pizza: “Half Canadian bacon with pineapple, half artichoke with pesto, and light on the cheese.” Typical.

3) Wiseau learned a thing or two from Law And Order: SVU.
One-third of the way through the film, drug dealer/gangsta Chris R. makes his grand appearance on the rooftop deck, cornering manchild Denny—who apparently owes him some cash. Cue tragic mood music as the pair hash out when the money’s coming; not satisfied with Denny’s answer, Chris R. pulls a gun, and the scene’s off and running. Johnny and Mark rush to the rescue, pinning Chris R. down (Mark’s surprisingly adept with the pistol) and carting him off to jail. Meanwhile, Claudette and Lisa question Denny, and verbally fight like overeager actors working for their day-pay. It’s a scene resembling the overburdened climax of a syndicated cop show, only this one happens near the beginning.

4) Although events precede and influence other events, no time passes in The Room-iverse.
Early in the film, it becomes clear the wedding between Johnny and Lisa is a month away. A few days—nay, weeks—later, that’s still the case. Hell, one hour into the film, Johnny, Mark, Denny, and psychologist friend Peter (in his third, and inexplicably final scene) put on tuxedos for the wedding photos, which presumably would be right before the wedding. Right? Apparently not, because the characters continue to insist the wedding is in a month. All that short-range football is doing a number on the space-time continuum.

It's infuriating:

5) All the loud moans during the sex scenes are dubbed. The characters manage to light lots of candles very quickly, and with surprising regularity. The song playing in the background actually has the lyrics, “There's nothing I wouldn't do for you / you are my fantasy dream come true.”
Welcome to The Room.