Back to School The 10 best places to bring a first date, based on your approximate tax bracket 

The way you act during an initial meeting is typically the most important aspect of a first date: being charming, not puking on yourself, etc. But where you choose to take your prospective mate can often go far toward building a lasting relationship, and it can also affect the number of days (or hours) it takes to land said date in the sack. With that in mind, The A.V. Club is offering 10 options based on your tax bracket to ensure, at minimum, a solid foundation for future bliss.  

Cheap as shit
James J. Hill House, $8 per person
Say you’re not a rail baron. Say you don’t have a 36,000-square-foot mansion on Summit Avenue in St. Paul. Say you’re just a regular hump, trying to impress a date. Well, sir or miss, there are few things more imposing or dramatic as the James J. Hill House. And even if you’re not related to the late, great Hill, just go ahead and claim you’re a long-lost descendant—he did have 10 kids, you know. Always remember: The first time two people meet, anything is possible.

Minneapolis Sculpture Garden, free
The Twin Cities certainly aren’t lacking parks or public art, though few spots offer a first-date photo op like the giant spoon and cherry. (Who doesn’t like to eat? Cherries are sexy!) But “Spoonbridge And Cherry” is only the centerpiece of the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden—there are plenty of lesser-known pieces of art to be found and dissected. Best of all, it’s a quiet space, perfect for talking and finding out just how much of a pretentious jackass your date may or may not be.

Preserve Minneapolis walking and biking tours, $5 per person
Significant others tend to like mates who care, and, in general, give a shit about their community. Preserve Minneapolis is dedicated to “…recognizing, preserving, and revitalizing the architectural and related cultural resources of the city of Minneapolis.” And what kind of person wouldn’t be interested in your interest in taking them to the old Grain Belt Brewery, Nicollet Island, or the Minneapolis Town Hall and Courthouse? We’ll tell you: A person you don’t want to be spending time with, that’s who.  

The disappearing middle class
Sweeney’s Saloon
It’s always tough to balance putting a good foot forward without coming off too eager. At Sweeney’s Saloon, you find delicious and reasonably priced food, a great rotating beer list, and an even better patio. Best of all, this kickass Sweeney’s package is wrapped in a welcoming neighborhood-bar atmosphere, which tends to put everyone at ease. So even if you suck at conversation, soak up the good cheer around you and use that as your muse.  

Pedal Pub Mixer, $25 per person
We’ve all seen a Pedal Pub glide past loaded down with a screaming hoard, and perhaps you’ve even taken part in the strange juxtaposition of debauchery and physical fitness. But sometimes it’s hard to rustle up the minimum eight bodies necessary for an excursion. Luckily for you, every so often Pedal Pub offers “mixers” to match up souls who need some ready-made friends. Consider it a double date without any of the hassle of actually knowing people who can provide that first-date buffer.

Paddleboats, Lake Calhoun, $17 per hour
Lakes are pretty. Lake Calhoun is really pretty. And when you suggest an outing to the biggest and best in the Minneapolis chain of lakes, your date will know that you know what’s what. For less than $25, a two-person paddleboat can be had, allowing a couple to float peacefully while getting to know each other. And if your outing immediately goes down the crapper and you feel the need to attempt a mid-date switcheroo, Lake Calhoun always provides plenty of flesh-and-blood scenery in addition to its natural panorama.

Minnesota Sea Life, $16.53 per person (purchased online)
In spirit, the Mall Of America is not so far from the seventh circle of hell, but having 10,000 underwater animals to gawk at will help take some of the sting out of visiting this wasteland of consumerism. That’s not to mention there will likely be plenty of kids around, so it’ll be a good opportunity to see how your date reacts to screaming, tugging, and getting busted in the shin by a $2,000 baby carriage. Remember, you can never start thinking about this stuff too soon.

Hey, Big Spender
Human On A Stick Segway Tours, $80 per person
Where the ancient Romans may have taken their first dates for a spin in the Circus Maximus, you can take part in the modern-day equivalent of this activity by tooling over the Roman-inspired arches on the Stone Arch Bridge, as well as the rest of the riverfront, in a contemporary horseless chariot. There’s also plenty to be learned about Minneapolis mill and river history along the way, and showing off a big brain is never going to hurt your cause.

Travail Kitchen And Amusements, $60
The ultra-popular Travail accepts no reservations for small parties, so while you and your date wait in line, you can casually mention that the restaurant was named the fourth-best new restaurant in America by Bon Appetit. And then when your date’s mouth hits the floor when you order the 10-course tasting menu for two, you can say, “No big deal, I got this one.” And all the while, you’ll be safe in the knowledge that one of the best and most opulent meals you can find anywhere in the metro area will only set you back little more than a half-hundred.

Paradise Charter Cruises, $25.50 per person (Thursdays only)
If your date is strong enough to resist both your wiles and the romanticism of a boat cruise down the Mississippi that starts at Boom Island, passes the downtown skyline, and loops through a lock and back, fear not. Gorging on booze and pizza on a happy-hour cruise while sitting on the back deck of a 96-foot yacht will provide a powerful sedative to ease your pain.