The A.V. Club’s 2010 Twin Cities New Year’s Eve Guide

If movie depictions of New Year’s are to be believed, finding the perfect place to party the night away is almost as important as landing the perfect midnight kiss. But maybe you’re not interested in creating the perfect memory. Maybe you’re banking on not being able to remember the night at all. With that in mind, The A.V. Club has cherry-picked some of the most notable shows happening around town—and there’s a little something for everyone.

MUSIC & CLUBS

Whoomp! There It Is III: 331 Club, 10 p.m., free, 21+
This early-’90s dance party includes a costume contest (don’t forget your DayGlo apparel) and sets by DJ Tanner, Dr. Dallas Dog-Palace, and MC Hang Time.

Fuck Resolutions. You’re Perfect: Chelsea Boys, Fort Wilson Riot, Claps, Slapping Purses, DJ Dick Pic: 7th Street Entry, 8 p.m., $7, 18+
We’re honestly not sure what the name has to do with the lineup, but does it matter? Thanks, Entry. Now that you renovated the bathroom, we think you’re perfect too.

Dessa: Aster Cafe, 9 p.m., sold out
Tickets moved quickly for this by-reservation-only show. Those who were willing to pay $75 will enjoy the First Lady of Twin Cities hip-hop with a four-course meal and complimentary champagne.

Countdown To 2011: Bar Fly, 9 p.m., $15, 18+
The downtown club’s bash includes a champagne toast at midnight, dancing, bottle service starting at $199, and roaming photographers to capture it all. (If you pay for bottle service, you’re going to want something to remember it by.)

Black Blondie, Communist Daughter, Mystery Palace: Cause Spirits & Soundbar, 9:30 p.m., $15, 21+
Cause closes out its first full year of business, which included an anagrammatic name change, with a show from three local favorites.

Average White Band: Dakota Jazz Club, 6 & 10:30 p.m., $100-$300
Have yourself a funky little New Year’s with Average White Band. A four-course dinner is included in the price of the early show, while the late set features dinner and dessert served á la carte, a champagne toast, and party favors.

The Crystal Ball: A Masked Affair: Epic, 9 p.m., $30-$50, 21+
This isn’t just a dance night with masks—it’s an extravagant masquerade ball featuring aerialists, fire performers, a fashion show, and living mannequins. VIP tickets include hors d’oeuvres from Lotus, Crave, and Thom Pham’s Wondrous Asian Kitchen.

Tina And the B-Sides: Fine Line Music Cafe, 9 p.m., $71/$76, 21+
The price to see the blues-rock veterans, once dubbed “the best bar band in the world,” may seem steep, but it includes all drinks for the night.

New Year’s Eve Danceteria: First Avenue, 8 p.m. $5/$20, 18+
Host Ian Rans (Drinking With Ian) encourages you to hit the bar, while music from the venue’s venerable DJs keeps you glued to the dance floor.

E.L.nO., Lucy Michelle And The Velvet Lapelles: Lee’s Liquor Lounge, 9:30 p.m., $10, 21+
The E.L.O cover band and the folk-rockers return for what’s becoming something of a year-end tradition at Lee’s.

Brother Ali, The Hood Internet, More Than Lights, Dada Trash College, DJ Snuggles: Marriott City Center Grand Ballroom, 8 p.m. $30, 18+
The Rhymesayers MC returns home from his How The Grouch Stole Christmas Tour to headline a show that benefits music programs at his old school, Robbinsdale Cooper High.

TC Rockabilly New Year’s Eve Party: The Violent Shifters, Al’s Rockabilly Trio, Mustache Jim And The Straight Razors, DJ Maid Rite: Memory Lanes, 10 p.m., free
This is your chance to bowl that elusive 300 while getting trashed to the bleeding-heart tunes of a live rockabilly band in the adjacent lane. Memory Lanes offers pinball, great drink specials, and a huge alley for your gutter balls and turkeys alike.

Donny And Marie Osmond: Mystic Lake Casino, 7 & 10:30 p.m., sold out
If drunken ragers aren’t you're style, here’s the most wholesome shindig in town. The variety show vets even have an early show, so you can be at home and in bed at a reasonable hour.

Shanghaied: OM, 9 p.m., $25/$35, 21+
The Indian restaurant is ringing in the new year with an unusual theme: 1920s Asian speakeasy. In addition to music spun by DJ Gigamesh, DJ Bach, Sweet Talk Radio, and the Wants Vs. Needs Crew, the night will feature contortionists, geisha girls, acrobats and more.

Metallagher, 20 Dollar Love, Torch The Spires: Triple Rock Social Club, 9 p.m., $8, 21+
It’s a gimmick that still hasn’t worn out its welcome: Metallagher plays the hits of James Hetfield and co. while smashing watermelons—because more year-end parties could use some destruction by giant mallet.

New Year’s Eve Cover Night: Vampire Hands, Leisure Birds, Daughters Of The Sun, The Chambermaids: Turf Club, 9 p.m., $10, 21+
On this night of bands as other bands, Vampire Hands are playing The Beatles, Leisure Birds take on CCR, The Chambermaids bring you gems by The Pixies, and Daughters Of The Sun choose the most surprising guise, stoner-metal band Sleep.

Mark Mallman, Caroline Smith And The Good Night Sleeps, Red Pens, Koo Koo Kanga Roo: Varsity Theater, 8:30 p.m., $14, 18+
If you missed Mallman’s 78-hour marathon in October, here’s your chance to see the ridiculous onstage antics of one of the Cities’ most renowned performers. Last year, he hung upside-down from the ceiling during the midnight countdown and kept playing without missing a beat.

THEATER & COMEDY

The Year In Denial: The Scrimshaw Brothers’ New Year’s Eve Comedy Extravaganza: Bryant-Lake Bowl, 9 & 11 p.m., $20
Acclaimed locals The Scrimshaw Brothers say “good riddance” to a rough year with a mix of improv, stand-up, and sketch comedy.

Lizz Winstead Live 2010: The Winners And The Losers. Mostly The Losers: Parkway Theater, 7:30 & 9:30 p.m., $25-$99
The Daily Show co-founder and Minnesota native comes back for another New Year’s annihilation. Watch the comedian take a hatchet to the events of 2010, then join her for a midnight toast next door at Pepitos.