The A.V. Club’s guide to creative zombie costumes for Halloween
Jere Keys
Like, better than these guys. That's not that much of a challenge though.
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This year's record-breaking zombie pub crawl may be over, but there's still a slew of zombie-related Halloween events upcoming. We know that it’s easy to go with a generic zombie costume, but we here at The A.V. Club want to help you break the mold and craft the most inventive, kickass zombie costume out there. Don’t just go as a zombie soldier or prostitute again this year; use one of our recommended costumes, and you’ll be the belle or beau of any of this year’s sick and twisted zombie events.
Zombie Kermit The Frog: The Muppets return to the big screen next month, which means they’re back in style just in time to be zombified. You’re off to a pretty good start just walking around on your own two legs; just tell everyone that you ate the hand that was up your ass controlling you. As far as body alterations go, green skin and motionless eyes pretty much cover the zombie angle already. What we’re saying is: Just buy a Kermit costume and wear it. A friend you’ve convinced to put on a few pounds, wear a dopey grin, and smear blood all over himself will make a nice zombie Jason Segel complement. Just make sure he doesn’t swing his zombie dick around, Forgetting Sarah Marshall-style. Jim Henson would not approve.
Zombie U2: This can be a fun, interactive group costume, but its key is longevity. At no point during the entirety of Halloween are you to break character or go anywhere—you must constantly stick around whatever party or event you’re at, even if you’re no longer fun or relevant. Maybe even break into performances of “Stuck In A Grave You Can’t Get Out Of.” Actually, “Sunday Bloody Sunday” works pretty well, too. While in character, demonstrate a particular interest in starving African children’s brains. How you do that is really up to you.
Zombie Liquor Store employee: Ever since your mothership was torn down, you’ve been doomed to eternally walk the streets unemployed, so try to look trendy-homeless and undead. Be sure to use fair-trade fake zombie blood and authentic Converse for historical accuracy. While everyone else is going off to parties and having a jolly good time, hang back and wander the construction site where VC used to be in search of an undergrad you can devour or price-gouge.
Zombie Steve Martin: Feel free to take your pick of any of Martin’s recent characters to use as a model for this costume—there’s truly no shortage of zombie-esque performances in this legend’s career. Our thought is to go with that oh-so-soft architect Martin plays in It’s Complicated and just add on a little gore. Here’s a thought: Impale that character with copies of An Object Of Beauty. Make it a point to remind everyone at the party you’re at how funny, talented, and “wild and crazy” you were before you and your career died.
Zombie Don Draper: Well one thing’s for sure, you’re going to get more zombie ass than any of your friends. Target is having a sale on zombie pomade, so buy two cans; you’re going to need it to keep your side part in its place hiding your exposed skull. You’re already lying about your name, so keep up the charade and tell everyone you’re not a zombie and that your exposed chest cavity is just an old war wound. Chase each round of brains with an equal amount of bourbon, replace your fedora with someone else’s head, and you’re good to go.
Zombie Steve Jobs: Go easy on the zombie makeup—you’ll want to look newly dead, not eternally rotted. The Apple founder and CEO was all about innovation, so use unconventional zombie props like voice-activated limb regeneration or “BrainTime.” In case anyone accuses you of being insensitive, just remind him or her that Jobs believed in pushing the envelope of conventional wisdom and accepted practices, and there’s no reason that can’t apply to Halloween. Then walk away.
