Holidazed The A.V Club’s procrastinator’s guide to local gifts

The oft-repeated mantra “it is better to give than to receive” can be hotly debated depending on your level of self-involvement, but there is definitely no arguing with the lesser known holidayism: “It is better to give than to look like a selfish asshole in front of family and loved ones around the tree at your annual family gathering.” And as crunch time approaches and there is still nothing but pine needles under your tree, panic has a tendency to set in. Rest easy, procrastinators, The A.V. Club presents to you its local gift guide.

For the three best friends that anyone could have, two of whom are preferably from out of town and unfamiliar with our neighboring cities’ scenic skylines
While the first thing that comes to mind when people think of Minnesota is usually the movie Fargo and lakes, the views of our capital and her sister’s downtown areas rival some of the best in the country, and there is no better way to take it all in at once than from a bird’s eye view. Treat two pals and take a Twin Cities Scenic Plane Tour. Climb aboard a Cessna 172 aircraft and take a gander at some of our most beautiful landmarks any time of year, such as the capital, Target field, the spoon and cherry, and our beloved dome (if it’s still standing). Sure, it’s a little pricey, but you waited this long to get a gift, so you kind of did this to yourself.

For the aging Luddite
For many of us, getting news from even a 24-hour cable news channel is a thing of the past (Twitter anyone?), but there are still those who think these kids and their crazy Internet is the first sign of the apocalypse. Instead of trying to push new modes of technology onto stubborn old mules, help them support a fading media and get them a subscription to the Minneapolis Star Tribune. The Strib was recently lauded by AdWeek as a national success story. With an emphasis on “local reporting, features, and color pages,” publisher Michael Klingensmith has helped the media stalwart recover from near insolvency, and it has been gaining readership ever since. Plus, we’d be sad to lose it. 

For the beer enthusiast and/or your family’s token closet alcoholic
Just like your average homeless person, you most likely assume any money you give to this person will be spent on booze, so why not educate them as well? The area is filled with both well-known and historic breweries, many of which provide tours (along with beer for “tasting”) for cheap or even free. Sign them up for the Surly brewery tour. The only cost: getting up at 7 a.m. on a Friday three weeks before your selected date and registering whoever is going. Hopefully, they’ll be so far in the bag they won’t realize you didn’t pay a dime, and if they do, buy them a sixer on the way out and tell them to shut it.  

For the sports enthusiast who just can’t let go
Though we’re certainly not in what anyone would describe as the golden age of Minnesota sports, your average diehard could care less. One positive stemming from our local teams having varying degrees of success is being able to experience professional sports on the cheap. Send them to a Vikings game on New Year’s Day to see them battle conference rival Chicago for as little as $11, or splurge to let them watch real athletes compete on ice at the Xcel Energy Center for as little as $45.

For the anti-snowboarding/skiing/ice skating/snowmobiling/ice sculpting winter recluse
Not everybody has the passion, skill, or the coin for some of the more popular winter activities, but one cold weather past-time everybody has the ability and budget for is walking, a.k.a., snowshoeing. Get a loved one some Poweridge Crest Snowshoes for $99.95, or take them to one of our beautiful Minnesota state parks, many of which rent snowshoes for as little as $6 per day. To get a little more romantic, sign up yourself and your significant other for a Moon Lit Snowshoe Hike at Sibley State Park. And then maybe make love in the snow or something.

For lovers of Disney, musicals, and especially Disney Musicals (a.k.a. everyone)
Minneapolis has long rivaled Chicago as Middle America’s premier spot for musical theater, and this winter is no exception. Lion King The Musical, one of the most revered productions in history, returns to its original home at the Orpheum Theatre Jan. 11-Feb.12. A gift truly anyone can enjoy, because this is America, and if you don’t like Lion King, you can get out.

For the sincere good Samaritan or self-righteous condescending wannabe martyr
There are those out there that truly would rather see someone else benefit than themselves, and while this is a near-impossible concept for most of us to grasp, there is still a gift you can give them that will truly warm their heart. (And you can also really stick it to the selfish phonies.) Purchase a Give MN Gift Card, and allow the benefactor to donate the purchase amount to the non-profit of his or her choice. It is the definition of a “gift that keeps on giving.”