Local Newswire Uptown Theatre closing for major renovation, will no longer make us feel dirty

There’s not really a nice way to say it, but the Uptown Theatre could use some work. Between the seats with flat springs and the questionable stains from God knows how many midnight screenings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, there’s not much about the place that’s comforting, and there’s certainly nothing about it that brings to mind the glitz and glamour of Old Hollywood, save for the sparkling art deco marquee on the space’s exterior. And while we know that the Uptown’s art house credentials don’t exactly need to scream flash and luxury at every turn (actually, it’s really easy to imagine John Waters joyfully sitting down with a bucket of popcorn there), people, no matter how film-snobby they may be, still like to sit in comfortable seats and look at screens that don’t seem like they’ve been weathered over the course of 25 different Woody Allen romantic comedies.

Filmgoers in the Twin Cities applaud the Uptown for bringing us films like the latest melodrama from Pedro Almodovar, but that’s mostly because no other theater will. We support the Uptown, yes, but comfort matters, and ever since the Roseville 4 closed a few years ago, there’s no other theater that’s more likely than the Uptown to make us want to shower when we get home.

So rejoice, film fans! The Uptown is about to get a major facelift. Landmark Theatres (owners of the Lagoon and the Edina Cinema) have announced that the Uptown will be shutting its doors for the next few months so it can undergo a total makeover, complete with a larger screen, an expanded concession stand, full-service bar, and best of all, brand-spanking-new seats. There are also rumors about optimizing its projection system for digital screenings, which should thankfully create a more immersive movie-watching experience than watching Shame in a theater that was rapidly starting to resemble a 1970s porno house.

The theater, which dates back to the 1930s and has not undergone a major renovation since roughly the time of the Johnson administration, is expected to be open again for business sometime in the spring, just in time for the summer blockbuster season that the theater’s owners will thankfully ignore.

No word yet on whether the weird neoclassical interior murals (which frankly look like rejected Of Montreal cover art) will survive the renovation. We’d bet not, but don’t worry, the balcony—and yes, that wonderfully gaudy marquee—will live to see Elizabeth Olsen become the new queen of indie cinema. Some things shouldn’t change. But some should.