What we’ll lose when Garrison Keillor retires

Garrison Keillor has made a career out of Minnesota. Some might say that because of it he has become the voice of the state, a man whose rumbling speech is instantly associated with the Land Of Lakes. This is a strange association for someone whose huge wit and high taste only resonate with a fraction of the Gopher State population: Nearly no one can afford a mansion on Summit Avenue, or an Upper West Side Manhattan apartment. He has both. The latter residence is one that, at least to some Minnesotans, has come to represent Keillor’s desire to escape to the civility and refinement of the big city—something that some believe he’s always been after.

And it’s true: Some Minnesotans really hate Garrison Keillor. But the same is true of almost any celebrity. Ask if they like Celebrity X, and it’s either yes or no, love or hate. What’s different about this debate is the passion. Minnesotans have strong opinions about Garrison Keillor. He is a man people argue over.

He announced last week that he would retire from A Prairie Home Companion in the spring of 2013 after finding a replacement. While he didn’t say, “I’m done tomorrow; it was nice to be here; I thank you for the opportunity,” he did give us a warning: His time on the radio is nearing the end. He’s getting older, and in the AARP interview where he revealed his retirement from radio, he seems sad about it. Very sad. And who wouldn’t be? He is essentially giving up his voice.

So it’s time to ask: What does Minnesota lose when Garrison Keillor leaves the airwaves?

The Good

1. He is hard-working. Minnesotans like that. He’s written at least 10 books, countless essays, a syndicated column, a screenplay (for a film he later starred in), and, of course, he has a radio career that spans back to 1969. He works like a dog. He has figured out that successful writers are those who manage to actually put pen to paper. He is owed a gold star.

2. He owns an independent bookstore that offers a welcoming, smart community for the lit-ster set. It’s a space built on the premise that readers, even though they are often wont to have their nose shoved up a book’s ass, deserve a community just like anyone else. Will the retired GK have more or less ability to establish shops and community-based endeavors like this one? With the end of his radio show, does the man also lose clout within the community?

3. He’s a solid storyteller. There are few people who can stand up and talk bullshit for several hours without repeating what they say. He does this almost every week. The man doesn’t stumble, and if he does, it sounds as though he meant to do it. His delivery is charged with the energy of an elder who has something good to say. You want to be entertained by him.

4. He’s willing to take a stand. You have to give the man props for poking and prodding a bit at the world around him. He is a humorist, and isn’t that in the job description—to unravel the truth of the situation at hand? In this 1985 clip, Keillor appears on David Letterman’s show, where he’s more than able (and willing) to rip apart the authors who share the bestseller list with him. He can be tough.

5. He talks about Minnesota, and we like that, even if we don’t always agree with what he’s saying. It feels good to be talked about. Here’s a video of him loving on St. Paul. It’s hardly annoying. 

The Bad

1. He has a lot of haters, and probably for good reason. This is partly because he has opinions. He’s a Democrat and stubborn liberal, and he writes about his politics and views; he is inherently divisive. And what would he be if he wasn’t divisive? Probably a failure. But aside from his world-views, there have been rumors that Keillor is not the nicest neighbor or collaborator. In 2008, he filed a lawsuit against his neighbors to deny them their right to build an addition. He claimed that their home’s addition would block his right to “light and air.” After the lawsuit went nowhere, he moved to a mansion down the street.

2. He’s stuck up. See above, re: his right to “light and air.”

3. He ditched us. His first hiatus from the radio was from 1987 to 1989. Many Minnesotans have assumed that Keillor is only interested in fame, and doesn’t really give two shits about the Walleye-eating, church-dance-attending folks of his native state. Skipping out on the homeland didn’t help. Here's a news segment from when he quit before.

4. His birth name is actually just Gary. Gary Keillor. Really. There’s something about a man who renames himself “Garrison” that suggests he may have an inflated self-view. Garrison is the name of a man who lives in a mansion and eats pricey sea creatures, not Sun Fish.

5. He has said some dickish things about Jews and gays. Gary proves that sometimes it’s better to just keep your mouth shut about people who are different from you, and that you should behave as though everyone is just a bit above average, just like you.