Based on the long-running reality show, as well as the premise that nothing’s more fun for the whole family than playing out the bitter dissolution of that family, the Divorce Court board game turns any living room into a broken home. Fittingly, playing Divorce Court is just as baffling and harrowing as divorce itself: Players must navigate a board crowded with indecipherable numbers and symbols, collecting poker chips and inching stickers across a corresponding tray for no discernible reason, all while rolling dice to land on spaces named for court appearances and the darkest depths of human misery. (For example: “Child Abuse,” “Battered Woman,” and “HIV Syndrome.”) Overseeing everything from the corner of the board, obviously, is a giant spider—known as “nature’s judge.” The experience proves so frustrating and upsetting that, if couples weren’t already divorced before playing Divorce Court, they soon will be. [SO]

For everyone who’s ever wanted to experience the nonstop zaniness of a Nazi POW camp, the Hogan’s Heroes game puts you in the action as Col. Hogan himself, so you too can enjoy the madcap high jinks of Axis forces. Each player takes a turn as Hogan, helping your fellow prisoners collect money, a passport, and a map before sneaking them out under the nose of those beloved silly-billies, the SS guard. Adding to the all-ages fun, the pieces feature exact likenesses of sitcom stars like Bob Crane, whose addiction to taping his sexual encounters eventually led to his being bludgeoned to death—a grim chapter of American history that does not have its own board game, yet. [SO]

The hit The Andy Griffith Show spinoff Gomer Pyle: U.S.M.C. was a military sitcom that was as blithe about the actual duties of war as its main character was about everything else. So it makes sense that its corresponding game would be as simple-minded—and nonsensical. Players of Gomer Pyle roll the dice so they can race to the finish and be the first to have all their men give a “grand salute” to Sgt. Carter, Gomer’s irascible drill instructor and a man who would likely receive a “grand salute” with the same indifference that Gomer Pyle: U.S.M.C. showed to the Vietnam era in which it aired. At least the game board, designed by legendary game designer Sid Sackson, has more grace than its subject ever did. [SO]

Welcome Back, Kotter yielded not one but two games, and while one was a sensible card game that John Travolta and his faux-high school pals could have played while sitting in the back of a bus, the other, The Up Your Nose With A Rubber Hose Game, sought to blend Go To The Head Of The Class’ desk-hopping madness with one of Kotter’s dumb catchphrases. Using wits, prowess, and cards featuring either Mr. Kotter or Assistant Principal Woodman, players attempt to reach the front desk in each row, thus gaining access to a different word, be it “up,” “your,” “nose,” or whatever. The first player to put those words together to make the phrase is the winner, earning a literal piece of rubber hose and, ideally, the opportunity to put it right up the loser’s nose. [ME]

Deadliest Catch, the TV show, is about professional fishermen struggling to catch crab in the Bering Sea, and that kind of hard, physical labor doesn’t seem like a natural fit for a sit-on-your-ass board game. The makers of Deadliest Catch Sea Adventure must not have thought so, however, as the game challenges players to drop pots, catch crab, and survive the sea’s perils, all from the comfort of their warm, dry living rooms. While a big catch in the game won’t result in the big money that the real deckhands earn, at least players (probably) aren’t risking life and limb flipping over cards at home. [ME]

Nothing says “board game” like a serial killer. But this is not a game for young children. According to the box, Dexter: The Board Game is for the 17-and-up crowd—the people who never tortured animals, but still have the potential to become serial killers. As Dexter, players travel through the sunny streets of Miami in search of a slippery suspect to kill. As any cold-blooded killer can tell you, you need to keep up appearances, which is why—to keep nosy neighbors and the like off your trail—you must complete Blood Splatter Reports to earn a living and avoid all suspicion. Once you leave the office and the suspect has been nabbed, you grab all your tools and mini garbage bags (which you earn throughout the game by rolling a die), and it’s time to head to the marina and dump the body. Good job! Not only have you won the game, but you’re one step closer to becoming a genuine murderous sociopath. “Dexter who?” you’ll say, as your opponents bleed out on the family room floor. [BJ]