Jones, thinking about all the dirt he has on famous people at the Kennedy Center Honors. (Photo: Paul Morigi/Getty Images)

Somebody needs to go pick up several cases of Tide pens, because in a new interview with Vulture’s David Marchese published earlier today, multi-platinum record producer/multi-hyphenate music mogul Quincy Jones drops a half-century’s worth of piping-hot gossip all over the internet’s lap. In the interview, Jones, who clearly does not give a flying fuck at the age of 84, reveals such facts as:

  • Jones, a self-proclaimed “dog,” went out to dinner with Ivanka Trump about 10 years ago, an event he describes as a “date.” Whether she also thought as much is unclear. He expresses support for the #TimesUp movement, though, saying, “women had to put up with fucked-up shit” at the hands of “jive motherfuckers” like Harvey Weinstein. (He wouldn’t comment on Bill Cosby.) He adds, “women and brothers—we’re both dealing with the glass ceiling.”

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  • Bono is cool, and lets Jones stay at his castle when he is in Ireland, but U2 sucks now.
  • Marlon Brando, a good friend of Jones’, may have had sex with Richard Pryor. Jones implies as much, at least, saying of Brando: “He was the most charming motherfucker you ever met. He’d fuck anything. Anything! He’d fuck a mailbox. James Baldwin. Richard Pryor. Marvin Gaye ... He did not give a fuck!”
  • Quincy Jones knows who killed Kennedy. (It was the Chicago mob.)

But perhaps Jones’ harshest disses are about the Beatles, who he describes as “the worst musicians in the world.” To wit:

They were no-playing motherfuckers. Paul was the worst bass player I ever heard. And Ringo? Don’t even talk about it. I remember once we were in the studio with George Martin, and Ringo had taken three hours for a four-bar thing he was trying to fix on a song. He couldn’t get it. We said, “Mate, why don’t you get some lager and lime, some shepherd’s pie, and take an hour-and-a-half and relax a little bit.” So he did, and we called Ronnie Verrell, a jazz drummer. Ronnie came in for 15 minutes and tore it up. Ringo comes back and says, “George, can you play it back for me one more time?” So George did, and Ringo says, “That didn’t sound so bad.” And I said, “Yeah, motherfucker because it ain’t you.” Great guy, though.

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In short, it’s a wild interview, and we haven’t even gotten into half of it here. Happy Wednesday, and remember: “Rock ain’t nothing but a white version of rhythm and blues, motherfucker.”

UPDATE, 3:45 p.m.: Richard Pryor’s widow, Jennifer Lee, has confirmed to TMZ that Pryor did, in fact, hook up with Marlon Brando. She says Pryor was very open about his bisexuality in his personal life, and would find Jones’ comments about his sexual exploits hilarious. “It was the ‘70s! Drugs were still good, especially quaaludes,” she says. “If you did enough cocaine, you’d fuck a radiator and send it flowers in the morning.” So there you go.