Dame Judi Dench now rapping, carrying a fidget spinner, probably vaping

Dame Judi Dench stays on her grind like ’09 Gucci Mane, currently riding the publicity waves of last month’s Tulip Fever, this month’s Oscar-luring Victoria & Abdul, and, later this year, Kenneth Branagh’s Murder On The Orient Express. The tiny, beloved actress cannot stop hustling, which helps to explain why she…

Desperate government resorts to hip memes to keep fidget spinners out of children’s mouths

We have to assume the rise of the fidget spinner set off a series of increasingly strident alarm bells in the offices of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, the independent government agency tasked with stopping the American people from wiping themselves out with “unreasonable risks” created by the products…

Google made you a fidget spinner just as you stopped caring about them

“Who gives a shit about what these things even are?” we bellowed into the heavens when last we were forced to write about fidget spinners, but, alas, here we are again. The news, however, was almost going to be that “fidget spinners are over,” which is the take of this FiveThirtyEight piece from Monday. Using data…