10 times this season’s Bachelor was clearly written by a woman

Let's hear it for Joey Graziadei, product of the female gaze

By Lauren Chval | March 18, 2024 | 1:00pm

TV Features Katelyn she

10 times this season’s Bachelor was clearly written by a woman

Joey Graziadei as the Bachelor Photo: Disney/John Fleenor

For the first time in years, The Bachelor feels fun to watch. Sure, it’s still a parade of twentysomethings looking for an Instagram following rather than True Love™, but as we move through the same formula that has aired 28 times (!!) before, something feels fresh. What could it be?

Oh yeah, it’s the Bachelor himself, Joey Graziadei. When I tell you this man was written by a woman (something that more than a few people have pointed out online since the start of this season), what I mean is that he asks follow-up questions. He wipes tears away with the pad of his thumb. He’s not afraid to look stupid. And feminine energy doesn’t scare him.

After years of watching the Bachelor say, “Thank you for sharing that” in response to a woman unloading the most traumatic story you’ve ever heard, it’s life-giving to have a lead who is an active listener. So ahead of the March 25 finale, The A.V. Club presents (in chronological order) 10 times our guy said and did the right things.

When he told Katelyn she was raised by strong, independent women (episode 3)

Let’s start off with an easy one. In one of the season’s earlier group dates, Joey is pulled aside by Katelyn, who wants to tell him a bit about her family. Her mom has been divorced since Katelyn was in the second grade, and because her mom has five sisters, she was raised with a lot of women around.Katelyn chooses to present this information to Joey by opening with, “I have like a family curse.” Intriguing. “Should I be worried?” Joey asks. No! She explains that it’s just that all the women in her family are single. “They’re all relying on me to break this curse for them.”It’s an extremely weird thing to say, even if you’re just trying to be cute and funny. But rather than be put off by Katelyn’s odd framing of her mom’s marital status, Joey comes back with: “It really just sounds like you’re surrounded by strong, independent women, which is kind of amazing.”Lest you think he’s just a smooth talker in the moment, he tells us in his confessional that, “She doesn’t need a man to feel validated, and I love that.” Katelyn gets the group date rose at the end of the night to boot.

When he said Daisy’s cochlear implant made her special (episode 3)

On the same group date, Joey gets a little time with Daisy, who had already told him about her medical history and cochlear implant on their one-on-one date the week before. The dialogue continues in this little conversation, with Daisy asking him if he’d like to touch her implant to help him get more comfortable with it. She explains how it works, and then says, “It’s a part of me. But I know, it just makes me a little different.”“No,” Joey replies. “It makes you special, not different.”My guy was on fire that night. Dialogue written by a woman!

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When he learned Lexi might not be able to have kids (episode 4)

Lexi Tells Joey She May Not Be Able to Have Kids - The Bachelor

This one is a little heavier. On their one-on-one date, Lexi shares that she has been diagnosed with stage 5 endometriosis, which required surgery. Though the surgery was successful, her doctor told her she might not be able to have her own children.You can see in the moment that Joey is thrown by this information. It’s one thing to be sensitive about someone’s cochlear implant, but it’s quite another to hear about a medical condition that could potentially have an impact on his life. In fact, Lexi also shares that her ex-boyfriend ended their relationship because he couldn’t deal with it.To the camera, Joey admits he’s never had a conversation about someone’s ability to have children before. He acknowledges how heavy this diagnosis must weigh on Lexi and immediately reassures her that it doesn’t scare him. “I don’t want you to think in any way that’s something I hear, and I want to run away,” he says. “There are a lot of other ways to create a family.”Right answer, Joey! He validates feelings, offers reassurance, and then closes with an absolute slam dunk: a promise of future communication. “It’s just something that will continue to be a conversation. Something that I’ll need to understand to be a great partner.”

When he voluntarily participated in the humiliating group date activity the women had to do (episode 4)

See Shirtless Joey & His Women Transform into Knights on Their Group Date in Malta

This one is silly but I’m standing by it. The group date in Malta consists of the women learning how to be knights. Okay, I guess. Apparently, this includes “the sausage wheel,” where sausages dangling on strings spin through the air and the women have to catch them with only their mouths. This is horrifying for so many reasons.And yet, rather than simply watch his contestants do a humiliating activity from the perch of his lead role (like so many Bachelors before him), Joey decides to participate. After hearing the explanation of the sausage wheel, he says, “I’m playing. I’m not making them do this by themselves. I’m in.”He adds to the camera, “I couldn’t make the women do something I wouldn’t do myself.” This is swoon-worthy behavior.

When he had to wear heeled boots but remained comfortable in his masculinity (episode 5)

Joey & Rachel Take on Flamenco Dancing in Spain — See Joey Rock High-Heeled Dance Boots

On their one-on-one date in Spain, Joey and Rachel learn how to flamenco dance. Of course, this requires special shoes, and for the man that means high-heeled boots. These do not exactly go with Joey’s shorts, and he is well aware that he looks ridiculous. “No one can tell me I look good right now, it’s just impossible. But that’s okay,” he says to the camera.He admits he feels uncomfortable at first but clearly commits to the lesson and focuses on uplifting and complimenting Rachel. This is small but important! A woman is going to write a man who will step back and let her shine, as well as not lash out when he’s feeling insecure.

When he validated Rachel’s career (episode 5)

Rachel and Joey on Connections and Dating a Nurse - The Bachelor

Later, on the evening portion of their date, Rachel opens up about her job as an ICU nurse. She says often partners of healthcare professionals struggle with the long hours and pressing demands. “I never want someone to feel uncomfortable with what I do as a career, but it is a huge part of me, and I can’t change my job.”Joey says it’s clear that Rachel takes a lot of pride in what she does and loves helping people. Rather than making the conversation about him, he tells her that she deserves a partner who will help her carry that load and acknowledges he has to be ready to take on the responsibility of supporting her. I do not need to explain the value of this one.

When he vocalized his insecurities that women wouldn’t like the real him (episode 6)

Joey Graziadei Opens Up About Emotions & Insecurities on ‘The Bachelor’

At the start of the week in Montreal, Joey really lays bare a lot of insecurities that he’s been feeling as the Bachelor. He’s afraid of women choosing to go home if they don’t like what they see when he opens up. “I’m trying to do my best to express how I feel and show who I am, but it’s hard to do that while also trying to be fun and be more light. It’s not who I am. I’m not this super energetic, here-we-go Joey. That’s not me.”As a fellow introvert, I feel this pain. But in this moment, it’s eating Joey up so badly that he gets a little teary. “Most of my life, I’ve been struggling with the fact that I don’t feel perfect. I feel like there’s a lot that’s wrong with me… I’ve always been my biggest critic, and I’m afraid of someone not accepting me for me.”Do I believe men have these insecurities? Of course. Have I ever heard one vocalize them? Absolutely not. This is some woman-written shit! A beautiful, expressive, well-dressed, green-eyed man who is afraid of letting someone in? Sounds like a fanfiction character to me.

When he respected Lexi’s decision to leave with grace (episode 6)

Lexi Shocks Joey with Her Decision to Self-Eliminate Due to Being at Different Places in Life

Poor Lexi. After asking Joey about his preferred timeline for marriage and children, she decides to self-eliminate because she doesn’t have the luxury of waiting to try to have kids. In response to being dumped, on a show where he alone is supposed to be doing the dumping, Joey says, “I understand… This isn’t what I had in my head, or what I thought was going to happen. But you’re going to get everything you want, and you’ll make a remarkable mother.”A man responding to rejection with empathy and understanding? Even the romance writers out there might say, “Hm, a little unrealistic.”

When he said Kelsey’s dad sounded like a good father-in-law (episode 7)

Earlier in the season, Kelsey opened up to Joey about how her mother died of breast cancer 10 years ago. During their second one-to-one, she goes deeper on how that impacted her relationship with her dad. She says she runs to him both when she’s happy and she’s sad. “He lost the love of his life, but he also had five kids,” she explains tearfully. “I can’t imagine that situation where you’re devastated but so are all these people depending on you. And you just have to do your best and be there for them when you need people for you.” It’s an emotional conversation. Joey wipes her tears with the pad of his thumb, which is something I’ve read about men doing but have never before experienced or witnessed. He tells Kelsey her father sounds incredible.But it’s in his interview that he goes for the kill shot: “Her dad sounds like one amazing man. He’s someone she has a special connection and relationship with. Someone that she can really look up to, and he sounds like someone who would be a great father-in-law.”A great father-in-law. A great father-in-law?! Not just, “Oh yeah your dad sounds great,” but thinking about him as someone you would want to have a relationship with? No, I’m sorry, that’s fake.