Director: Georg Tressler
Tagline: “A spaced out comedy with the most exciting climaxes!”
Plot: “This flight has one function. What we want here are male samplings.” So speaks the commander of a scout team from Venus, sent to our planet to harvest semen from our menfolk. Venusian women are appalled that Earth men waste so much of their seed on self-pleasure, so they’re determined to herd human males into their spaceship, “rub their funnybones,” and extract a supply of sperm that will last the Venusian women 10,000 years.
Lucky for our heroines, when they land in a small Bavarian village, they’re mistaken for the French women’s Olympic ski team, which the town’s mayor has heard is training in the area at a secret location. So it’s no big thing for the commander to lure a whole group of guys into her elaborate semen-extraction unit, where they’re told to lie back until the machine collects one gallon from each of them. (Quoth the mayor: “You French are much too complicated.”)
As for the rest of the team, they’re tasked to fan out, steal some clothes—ranging from a police uniform to a nun’s habit—and do their collecting “in the field,” as it were. One Venusian encounters a traveling lingerie salesman, who invites her into his car. (“It is better you come to the mothercraft,” the Venusian says, but the salesman demurs, saying, “No, I’m not crazy about mountain inns with crazy names.”) When the salesman leans the Venusian back, she initially cries out, “Please, stop this program,” but eventually she starts to enjoy herself, making moaning noises that the computer back at the ship misinterprets. “Are you suffering?” it asks. “Proceed to program 69. Come in? Come in! Come!”
While that’s going on, another Venusian is captured by a farmhand whose clothes she swiped, and he insists that he’s going to “teach her a lesson,” via the other Socratic method. But when he unzips her clothes, her Venusian body temperature drops and she literally freezes. The farmhand drives her to a nearby sauna to warm up; there, she encounters a doctor enjoying the steam. When the doctor sees the Venusian’s nude, shivering figure, he responds as any red-blooded male would. She looks down at his crotch and asks, “What’s happening to that thing?” Then she says, “If you’re a doctor, give me an injection!”
Eventually, all the Venusians strip naked, infiltrate a nearby beer hall, and start a riot… [Clips NSFW, but you could have guessed that. —ed.]
…after which they decide to stay on Earth and bear children the human way. Kind of sweet, really.