At the beginning of every cycle, America’s Next Top Model, like most reality shows, has the burden of keeping things interesting until we get attached to the contestants. Usually, every season begins with a string of three to four episodes where you can name a few of the most notable ladies, but probably not the full roster of fourteen. Maybe I’m imagining things, but I think Tyra’s Brits v.s Yanks approach has the added bonus of turning the contestants more quickly into characters. I actually felt invested in the elimination tonight, which doesn’t normally happen until a good four or five episodes into a season.
Or maybe it’s because Tyra finally has fulfilled all the makeover dreams of my wildest dreams. Well, almost all. After the producers let the Brits go on about how important it is to win ANTM for their careers (Annaliese amusingly calls America’s Next Top Model “the holy land” of Top Models), the girls get a Tyra-mail informing them that Tyra’s phone with her top-secret list of makeover ideas has been hacked. The list includes “crazy teased weave,” “one side shaved,” and “red, white and, blue.” Surely this is just a way of terrifying the girls into tears? Of provoking the more nervous among them into long tirades against the judges?
No, praise Karl Lagerfeld. Tyra’s makeovers, or as Mr. Jay calls them, “shake overs” are a little bit art house, a little bit unfortunate junior high punk. Let’s count down the most interesting looks:
- Sophie’s pale pink dye job was surprisingly flattering, though on the confessional camera clips it seemed as if they had just done the bottom layer and left the top blonde.
- Alisha gets one side of her head shaved and the other be-weaved. It would have been more noticeable if she hadn't spent half the episode with a comical side ponytail.
- Azmarie has hit upon the surefire way to avoid a radical makeover: Already be bald. (As Alec Baldwin might put it, A.B.B.: Always Be Baldin’) So, in a quick bit of branding, Tyra has “ANTM” shaved into the back of her head.
- Catherine got magenta hair, but it didn’t really seem any brighter than Kayla’s Elmo-red color on cycle 15.
- Laura’s hair takes the prize away from Azmarie for awkwardly on-message makeovers. Her hair got the coveted “red, white, and blue,” dye treatment, which edged into the “alternative 8th grader at Sally Beauty Supply” territory, but which the judges adored.
Pretty much everyone else got bangs. Even with all the creative hair coloring going on, the only real protests came from Eboni, who was burned pretty badly with a curling iron, and Laura, who pouted all the way through her fabulous blunt cut. I was personally impressed by Tyra’s relative restraint in nationality-marking during the makeovers. She could, conceivably, have given each model flag tattoo. But then, it all unwound in a particularly bizarre Fear Factor-esque segment. Each team had to eat the worst of what the opposite team’s country had to offer. You would think that would put the American girls at a disadvantage, what with haggis and blood pudding and all that, but the British models were pretty revolted by chitterlings and pig feet, not to mention the least flattering presentation of chunky peanut butter this side of a third-grader’s Halloween party. There wasn’t any indication from what I heard that it was a contest for who could eat it all fastest. There certainly wasn’t any prize. But, you know, the American team beat those Britishers anyway. USA! USA!