Bow, consumers, before your dead-eyed Baby Groot robot god

Do you feel that, reader? A trembling within the Earth. A whisper upon the wind. It is the collective shuddering of the old pantheon of faith, recoiling at the arrival of a new ruler, one birthed inside the Magic Kingdom from an unholy, focus-tested amalgamation of wiring, plastic molds, and the smelted remains of yesteryear’s Golden Calf. Gaze, IP consumer, upon the dead-eyed visage of a free-roaming, dancing, robotic Baby Groot as it strolls through the Walt Disney Imagineering Research & Development offices and testing facilities.

He is your one true God now, and can only be satiated by Disney+ subscriptions and overpriced pilgrimages to the Avengers Campus.