In Scream, Jamie Kennedy outlines the rules for surviving a horror film thusly: Don't have sex, don't get drunk or do drugs, and never say "I'll be right back." But in the twelve years since Scream was released, there have been some a number of additions to these basic horror movie survival rules. Final Destination and it's many, many sequels taught us to never take a shower, or go for a drive when you're in the process of cheating death, because death will find you and kill you in the most cartoonish way possible. The Hostel series gave us the rules: Don't stay in hostels, and also, Don't travel. And Cabin Fever, of course, reminded us to never, ever stay in a remote cabin with Rider Strong.
After watching the trailer for the upcoming UK film Donkey Punch, however, it's apparent that Scream's original rules for surviving a horror film need to be completely revised:
"Don't have sex" is now "Don't engage in fake sex acts that are obviously jokes."
"Don't get drunk or do drugs" is now "Don't get drunk or do drugs on a yacht." And