Contrary to what a bunch of self-interested and/or delusional ghouls might want you to think, the endless 2020 election cycle has, at last, come to an end. (Unless you live in Georgia and/or care about wresting control of the Senate from the slowly decomposing hands of Mitch McConnell!) We recently learned that Vermont releases every single write-in vote for President, thanks to a tweet from Boston.com’s Nik DeCosta-Klipa, and as it happens at least four Vermont voters think that Willie Nelson should Make America A Place Where Willie Nelson Smokes Weed On The Roof Of The White House Again.
Weed is already legal in Vermont, with recreational sales slated to begin in 2022, so it’s not just a weed thing—the people just love Willie. But his is not the only famous name on the list. Let’s break this down, from most predictable to least.
Other living political figures
Unsurprisingly, Bernie Sanders, one of the state’s Senators, racked up the lion’s share of write-in votes. The state’s Republican governor, Phil Scott, also got quite a few, as did former governor Jim Douglas. Other Not-Trump/Not-Bidens (more of the former than the latter) include Tulsi Gabbard, Mitt Romney, Andrew Yang, John Kasich, Pete Buttigieg, Andrew Cuomo, Condoleezza Rice, Charlie Baker, Nikki Haley, Michelle Obama, Marco “I drink water like a normal human” Rubio, James Mattis, Amy Klobuchar, Ron Paul, Ted “not the Zodiac killer” Cruz, Ralph Nader, Tim Scott, Hillary Clinton, Nina Turner, performance artist/independent Vermin Supreme, Lindsey Graham, George Bush, and Ben Carson, to name a few. Also, a single lonely vote for Al Gore.
Also, Mike Fucking Pence. Really?
One dead President
Hey, Vermont: you decide to write in someone who was already President and is also deceased, and you go with Dwight D. Eisenhower? Four of you did this? Why?
Dr. Anthony Fauci
He’s on the list a few times, actually. Dr. Fauci - 4 votes. Dr. Anthony Fauci - 2 votes. Tony Fauci - 2 votes. Please, let the man just be an expert in his field. He doesn’t need to be President or an object of collective thirst.
Other famous people
Six people wrote in Oprah Winfrey. Five wrote in (ugh) Mike Rowe. Three picked Tom Brady. Tom Brady still sucks, go Lions.
Attention, two people who wrote in “VANELLOP VON SWEET”: Did you mean Vanellope von Schweetz of Wreck-It Ralph, the bona-fide Disney Princess voiced by Sarah Silverman? Because that is... very specific. Santa Claus got a vote as well. That one sort of makes sense if you assume Santa is real, because he’s got magical fucking powers and that seems like it might be useful in the coming months. And there are a bunch of names on here that we can’t connect with anything in particular, but you should know that someone wrote in “CHEDDAR STUMP,” and if you are that someone, we’d love to know what you meant.
Joe Biden won Vermont by a wide, wide margin, so these four votes for Willie didn’t hurt him. Neither did the one vote for “DISMANTLE TWO PARTY SYSTEM.” And if you’re wondering why Kanye’s not on this list:
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