During the heyday of their 16-bit console the Genesis, Sega famously ran advertisements that claimed “the Genesis does what Ninetendon’t.” Not only was it a sick burn on their biggest competitor at the time, but it was also right in line with Sega’s cocky-confident branding. They wanted kids to know that they did things faster, cooler, and with more power than anyone else. The Sega CD was the direct result of that hubris. It was an auxiliary console that you slapped on to your Genesis so you could play weird, live-action movies/games on the most ‘90s technology available: CDs!
Most people have chosen to forget this dark period in the console wars, but others aren’t ready to let the Sega CD go. Using his novelty Twitter account @segacdgames, writer/actor Brian Firenzi posts fake Sega CD games that should have existed complete with period-accurate box art. With titles like “Stay Together For Nerbazoid” and “Hot Mom Quad Bike Fuck Patrol Miami,” these imagined console games perfectly encapsulate that time in the 1990s when kids would play anything, corporations were flirting with irony, and game companies had absolutely no idea what they were doing.
Some tweets offer a little glimpse at the Sega CD’s mind-blowing graphics and gameplay capabilities.
And it wouldn’t be Sega with a few ham-fisted appearances by their speedy mascot, Sonic AKA The Blue Boy.
Tell us about your favorite Sega CD game and why it’s “Dunston Fucks Good.”