Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Here's a quick pick-me-up: British breakfast teas are roasting anti-Black Lives Matter folks

Illustration for article titled Here's a quick pick-me-up: British breakfast teas are roasting anti-Black Lives Matter folks
Photo: Getty Images

Corporate bandwagoning onto the current Black Lives Matter conversation is neither surprising, nor wholly comforting right now. With most company boards solely beholden to their stockholders, it makes a cynical amount of sense that they’d only start truly speaking out en masse as soon as it had the potential to affect their bottom line profit margins. But what about those who have yet to comment? Should we assume they are cowards and/or opposed to calls for systemic criminal justice reform in America? The answer, of course, is no, not necessarily, but that hasn’t stopped us from reveling in conservative asshats getting ahead of themselves.


Case in point: yesterday, right-wing British vlogger Laura Towler attempted to tweet out praise for her favorite English cup o’ char company—Yorkshire Tea—via Twitter for not openly supporting the Black Lives Matter movement. “I’m dead chuffed that Yorkshire Tea hasn’t supported BLM,” Towler posted on Twitter. Unfortunately for Towler, Yorkshire Tea took a moment to sip some piping hot brew in her direction.

“Please don’t buy our tea again,” Yorkshire Tea stated matter-of-factly, presumably in an incredibly dry, stiff British accent. “We’re taking some time to educate ourselves and plan proper action before we post. We stand against racism. #BlackLivesMatter”

To make this brew even sweeter, one of Towler’s stateside fans promptly declared she was no longer a Yorkshire Tea lass, and would be switching to one of their chief competitors, PG Tips...who then instantly made it clear they would be having none of this racist shit, either.

”So now I’ve got to buy PG Tips?? Well f me. This sucks,” a commenter named Pamela replied, to which PG Tips summarily upped the tea ante with, “Yeah it does suck, Pamela. If you are boycotting teas that stand against racism you’re going to have to find two new tea brands now.”


They also added the hashtag #solidaritea, which, alright PG Tips, let’s rein it in a bit there with the woke puns, okay? Regardless, it’s nice to see our new tea allies abroad joining fellow British staples like John Boyega (and John Oliver) in calling out racist police brutality, while many stateside darlings including Dwayne Johnson and Seth Rogen also called for reform. It’s perhaps also not surprising that Rogen, a fan of another variety of calming, leafy goodness, shared very similar sentiments to his own “disappointed” fans.

And, honestly, “British tea company publicly protests American tyranny” is just the kind of bizarro world headline we expect in 2020.


“Looking for ways to advocate for Black lives? Check out this list of resources by our sister site Lifehacker for ways to get involved.”

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

[via Boing Boing]


Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).