Joaquin Phoenix Barely Steps Up His Fake Rap Game

Last night, "Joaquin Phoenix" stepped up his fake rap game by getting into a fake fight with a fake heckler—ensuring that from here on out all news stories about his rap career should just be written inside a giant pair of scare quotes.

Even the AP is thisclose to reporting that the whole thing is a hoax. Of course, that's not close enough:

Joaquin Phoenix appears to be getting into the act of being a petulant hip-hop star.

He jumped off the stage during a short performance at the LIV nightclub early Thursday morning and confronted an audience member who was heckling him. Security guards dragged him back on stage and escorted him away.

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It's unknown whether the confrontation — and his pledge to quit acting and start rapping — was real or a put-on, but actor Casey Affleck recorded the performance on camera.

Good point, AP. We can't really know if it's a put on until the posters for The Ballad Of MC Beard Boy: Joaquin Phoenix's Walk On The Rap Side materialize, but there are only two possible scenarios:

1. It's an obvious put-on for Casey Affleck's documentary about the downward spiral of a fake rap star, Joaquin Phoenix. Or..

2. Casey Affleck is a callous, cold-hearted person who is making a documentary about Joaquin Phoenix's actual downward spiral instead of, you know, getting him help.

For now, however, this guy sums up the thoughts of a nation:

"(Affleck's) camera was filming the whole time, so it makes me think he has ulterior motives," said Luis Gendron, 23, of Miami.

"He knows the game he's playing, and he's good at it," Gendron said of Phoenix.

Falling off stage, being weird on Letterman, and getting into a "fight" with a "heckler," are the building blocks of a solid fake rap career—but it's kind of tedious at this point. Phoenix should consider a few facial tattoos, or start a clothing line, or get a shade of blue named after him that he can then license to various companies—you know, real rap stuff.