Jon Stewart and his bloody hand are done "DOGE-ing" around

Jon Stewart has had it up to here with this Department of Government Efficiency, and he’s willing to break mugs and bleed on his desk over it.

Jon Stewart and his bloody hand are done

Perhaps it’s the Trump administration’s flagrant disregard for people or Fox News’ incessant uttering of the gerund “DOGE-ing,” or the past tense “DOGE’d,” but Jon Stewart is pissed. In tonight’s Daily Show, bloody from smashing mugs and enchanted by a sex-crazed cocaine-snorting quail, our host railed against DOGEs chainsawing through the government. He’s not even against a government audit, which could help clarify how taxpayers’ money is spent and save them a couple of bucks. It’s more the “straight amputation” approach of Elon “The Nick Canon of white people” Musk.

Unless you live in the sweet, blissful ignorance of being an uninformed voter, the past month and four days have sucked—and we say this with absolute solemnity and solidarity with those most affected—big time. Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE (you know, like the meme co-opted by the funniest, richest, and most divorced 53-year-old man on Earth), has been on a tear through Washington. He, along with his cadre of minions led by Big Balls, has set about firing people from across the government, including workers testing for bird flu, nurses at the VA, and those worthless do-nothings in charge of nuclear weapons. Of course, the government would soon rehire many of these people. Still, even poor little Jesse Waters, the Fox News host and probably our next head of NASA, says his friend lost his job and that the network shouldn’t be so callous toward the recently “DOGE’d.” It’s not the most annoying thing about these people, but how they talk is definitely one of the most annoying things about them.

However, as DOGE and Fox made up numbers they didn’t slash, 200-year-old social security recipients who never existed, and animal yoga studies that never took place, Stewart believes the DOGE brain trust missed a few biggies. Namely, we could save a couple trillion by cutting the defense budget or even a few billion by cutting government subsidies to oil and pharmaceutical companies. It could work if only a president were crazy enough to try it. Unfortunately, most presidents are crazy in the same way: Crazy about keeping their corporate interests happy, satisfied, and more or less in control of everything.

“What’s so horrible about our system now and the corruption that lay within it is we’re so numb to it we actually tout tiny cracks in that exploitation as a victory,” Stewart said as he showed a clip of President Biden announcing that he had successfully negotiated 10 drugs with the pharmaceutical companies. “Oh, can it be? The companies we subsidized with billions of dollars are allowing us the privilege of negotiating 10 of their drugs. It would be embarrassing if it was a small drop in the bucket and if the American people didn’t expect that we should negotiate for all their drugs because we already paid for it with our subsidies.”

It was around this time that Stewart smashed his mug, cut his hand, and informed viewers he “might be going to the hospital.”

 
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