Conan might move to L.A.; Drew Carey might host The Price Is Right; The Daily Show might become one long, increasingly tiresome parade of zany graphics, and lackluster correspondents; Napoleon Dynamite might inexplicably have a movie career; and the woman from Lara Croft:Tomb Raider might be considered a great actress, but one constant remains on the rocky pop cultural landscape: David Letterman interviewing Richard Simmons will always be funny.

It's been at least a hundred years since David Letterman first began torturing Richard Simmons on his show, and as long as there are cameras, and tiny shorts, and leg grease, and fat kids, and barely-contained contempt, Letterman will keep playing torturer to the giant human sequin that is Richard Simmons.

Last night's Simmons-Letterman match-up didn't contain any exploding steamers, but we did learn what Simmons' pet name for himself is:

(Part 1 is here.)

One question: in the Letterman-Simmons comedy duo, which one is the straight man? (Zing!)