Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Lincoln finally abolishes slavery in Mississippi

Illustration for article titled  Lincoln finally abolishes slavery in Mississippi

Ending nearly a century and a half of oppression, the state of Mississippi has finally ratified the Thirteenth Amendment to abolish slavery, a piece of legislation that was introduced to—or some might argue, forced upon—the state by the movie Lincoln, apparently. As some scholars who maybe saw a movie about ratifications or whatever already know, the Thirteenth Amendment was originally ratified by three-fourths of the nation in 1865, though Mississippi remained unconvinced until just recently, determined to wait and see how this whole “Reconstruction” thing panned out. In 1995, Mississippi finally voted to ratify the amendment for fear of seeming socially backward, yet it “accidentally” forgot to make that vote official by notifying the U.S. Archivist. Their “clerical oversight” finally came to light after Steven Spielberg’s Lincoln arrived pushing reform, and using its executive power to promote a progressive agenda of bringing the States into the late-19th century.


Lincoln’s message touched University of Mississippi Medical Center associate professor Dr. Ranjan Batra, at least, whose post-film research into the history of the Thirteenth Amendment—likely using books—was not only tolerated, it eventually led to Mississippi Secretary of State Delbert Hosemann contacting the Office of the Federal Register. After confirming that yes, his name is really Delbert Hosemann, Delbert Hosemann finally offered the ratification of slavery that movie-Lincoln had called upon him to make, ensuring that no man could place another man under involuntary servitude, and all because of the foresight of Lincoln—and sure as hell not because of Argo.

Only hours later, Lincoln was tragically shot in the head.