My fellow Americans, today's latest siege by the corrupt Hollywood Liberal cabal suggested that maybe all our celebrities are popping free birth control before hopping into a hot three-way with Obama and Satan. But rest assured, some famous people still have a level head—famous, famously levelheaded people like Meat Loaf, who recently offered his first-ever political endorsement by stumping for Mitt Romney, with Mr. Loaf citing as his reasons a troubling thunderstorm system that threatens to dampen the whole world's weekend plans forever, and the fact that Meat Loaf can't believe Obama thinks the Cold War with Russia is really over when Rocky IV just came out, like, yesterday.