My Inanimate Inspiration...

By Amelie Gillette  |  June 29, 2006 | 5:48pm
Aux Features Hater

Sometimes when I see 5th-tier tabloid Life & Style sitting all lonely on a newstand shelf, trying so hard with its screaming pink and yellow headlines to get you to care about Mariah Carey's weight loss, I feel bad for it. Then I pick it up and thumb to the back page, and all that pity is rapidly replaced with a searing hot rage.

See, since Life & Style is unable to afford the $20 a week for the no-name comedians and fashion "experts" needed to come up with unclever references for a proper Fashion Police section, they run something called "My Inspiration." Here's what it looks like.

So Avril Levigne is copying, sorry, is "inspired by" Mariah Carey's striped dress in 1996. Clearly. Who else is inspiring the gleaming stars of today?

Well, I could have sworn that Eva Longoria was inspired by the slutty girl at a U of T toga party in 2003, but Virgina Mayo in the 1940s works, I guess. Who else?

You're pushing it,

Life & Style. Tyra Banks is inspired by one face that Glynis Johns made in 1973? I'm pretty sure not even Glynis Johns knows who Glynis Johns is, let alone rememembers making that face. Whatever. Who's next?

So let me get this straight: Rosario Dawson got up one morning, was picking out a dress to wear to some event, and thought to herself, "Hmm…I'd really like to look like that spider web I saw back in 2000. You know, the really big one with all the dew? Ah-ha! Perfect!"

You can't change the rules in the middle of the game,

Life & Style.

If we're allowed to use inanimate objects as celebrity inspirations, then I think that Avril Levigne was inspired by a cafe awning I saw in 1995. And I would run that picture of Eva Longoria next to one of a ketchup bottle with a brown wig on it (dated 2005, of course).

Any other suggestions?

 
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