Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Nathan Rabin reviews DMX's latest run in with the law (international edition)

Hey you guys, I'm mixed on DMX as a rapper and actor but I'm a huge fan of his misbehavior. I'm especially impressed by his longstanding genius for getting arrested in the most flamboyant, colorful manner possible. Seriously, he's the Ronnie Dobbs of hip hop. Only Ol' Dirty Bastard and Juvenile can match his gift for being incarcerated under the most ridiculous circumstances. DMX understands that any half-assed MC with a mix CD and demo tape can get busted for keeping an eighth of weed or a loaded handgun in his glove compartment. But it takes a special kind of lunatic to get busted for impersonating an FBI agent, illegally breeding a small army of blood-thirsty pit bulls or crashing a car into an airport, all (alleged) behavior that's gotten DMX in trouble with the law in the past. DMX is the rare gangsta rapper who actually seems far more insane and violent than his music suggests. He seems to be aspiring to nothing short of super-villainy. It's only a matter of time until he develops his own nuclear and biological weapon programs and uses them to threaten the United Nations. Forget being the neighborhood gangsta, pusher or pimp. At his best DMX is on some old Lex Luthor/Bond villain type shiznit. I wouldn't be at all surprised to wake up one morning to learn that DMX has been busted for stealing a 747 full of endangered animals and crashing it into the Vatican after smoking crack out of a Faberge egg-pipe. He's that committed to craziness. Hell, even his family is committed to flamboyant misdeeds: his wife was just busted for driving a hundred miles an hour with their three children in the car. For these reasons I was disappointed to read the following allhiphop.com alert concerning DMX's latest run-in with Johnny Law: Rapper DMX was arrested at London's Heathrow airport yesterday (May 13) for allegedly verbally abusing the cabin crew on a flight to England. According to police, DMX, born Earl Simmons, refused to button his seatbelt as the plane started its final descent. After the plane had landed, the 35-year-old rapper continued a verbal tired (sic) aimed at the flight's crew. The captain alerted police, who arrested DMX when the flight landed around 12:00 pm. "Heathrow Police were called at 12.05pm on Saturday to reports of a passenger causing a disturbance on an inbound aircraft," a Scotland Yard official said in a statement. "The plane landed at approximately 12.15pm and a 35-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of being verbally abusive to cabin crew." Police said they released the rapper with a caution. C'mon DMX, is this the best you can do? Refusing to button your seatbelt? Who do you think you are, Peter Buck? That's some drunken Home Depot middle-manager bullshit, not antics befitting a deranged maniac like yourself. Verbal tirade? How difficult is it to verbally intimidate a bunch of forty-something stewardesses? Furthermore, what kind of wuss gets let off with a "caution"? That's bullshit. DMX's criminaltastic shenanigans aren't even original. Snoop Dogg and his posse were busted for causing a "violent affray" at Heathrow just last month. I give DMX's latest arrest a grudging C+. It's derivative, it's low wattage and it just can't compare to his earlier misdeeds. So c'mon, DMX, kick your crazy game up a notch. Fans like myself expect a whole lot more from you. Need I remind you that it's not a game? It's not a game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, bark, bark, bark. Growl, growl, growl. What do you guys think of DMX and his criminal antics? What celebrity arrests have you dug the most? What would you like DMX to be arrested for next?

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