NBC’s new show Heartbeat will break your heart (then expertly swap in someone else’s)

What else is on?

NCIS (CBS, 8 p.m.): In case we ever forget what a great advertisement NCIS is for the Navy: “A Navy Public Affairs officer is murdered, and the victim’s wife and mistress accuse each other of the crime.” The Navy: Sure, you’ll get murdered, but at least it’ll probably be by one of the multiple people you’re having sex with!

NCIS: New Orleans (CBS, 9 p.m.): “The team discovers a surveillance van filled with photos of Agent Pride after Laurel’s attacked on campus and put in protective custody.” Photos … photos of Agent Pride doing what? You know, never mind, don’t tell us, we’d rather not know.

Limitless (CBS, 10 p.m.): We’re not totally sure, but it might be time to fire up the Smirk Alarm, as it sure sounds like a Bradley Cooper sighting is on the way: “Brian’s double life unravels when Senator Morra makes contact just as Brian’s placed under 24-hour surveillance by the FBI following his rogue trip to Russia.”

The Real O’Neals (ABC, 8:30 p.m.): “Eileen applies for a job, and Shannon overhears and misunderstands her mom’s plans. Meanwhile, Pat is hesitant to live life as a single man, but his patrol partner thinks he’s ready; and Jimmy wants Kenny to try online dating.” Man, we wish we had a patrol partner to guide us through our major life decisions. We guess we’ll just have to rely on the other members of the What’s On Tonight gestalt entity to guide us through. (Except for Les. His antipathy toward out-of-context wrestling clips makes us doubt him. Which leads us to…)

Impact Wrestling (Pop, 9 p.m.): There’s no synopsis posted for this specific episode, and we’re not totally sure which set of spoilers describes this episode, so we’ll just play it safe and say this is the one where one guy who was run out of WWE defends his title against another guy who was run out of WWE, all while some TNA mainstays prepare to jump ship, possibly for WWE. Yep, that should cover it.

Awkward (MTV, 10 p.m.): This episode involves Jenna explaining various things that happened in the time jump, which we assume means flashbacks are on the way. You know, given how exhilarating time jumps tend to be, and how effective flashback-laden catch-up episodes can be when they can skip all the boring filler stuff, there’s an argument to be made that a struggling show like this should literally alternate time jumps and flashbacks with every episode. There, that’s a free thinkpiece. Enjoy!

Faking It (MTV, 10:30 p.m.): “Amy and Karma want to make up, but neither wants to make the first move.” Why, it’s 2016’s answer to Romeo And Juliet!

Not Safe With Nikki Glaser (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.): “Nikki meets engaged couples to discuss how their weddings are an inconvenience for their friends.” Ugh, weddings, man. Nothing against them, but we’re not a fan of inconveniencing people in the name of spectacle or whatever. (Okay, fine, that’s absolutely having something against them.) Point is, we still think the platonic ideal of a wedding is April and Andy’s.

Godzilla (Encore, 8 p.m.): Let’s play everyone’s favorite (or least favorite, depending on the outcome) game: “Which Godzilla is this?” Well then: “A scientist teams with a mysterious French agent to try to stop a massive, radioactive lizard from destroying Manhattan.” Hmm, Manhattan? French agent? Yeah, we can all keep moving, this is the Matthew Broderick one.

King Kong (Showtime, 9 p.m.): And now for the obvious follow-up, “Which King Kong is this?” Well, this thing has been given more than three hours on a commercial-free network, so, yeah, this is absolutely the Peter Jackson/Jack Black/Adrien Brody/Naomi Watts version. Which was … okay, we guess? It wasn’t really“this is going to take 3 hours and 10 minutes to watch” okay, but that’s true of pretty much everything Jackson has made since finishing up his first foray into Middle Earth.

Kicking And Screaming (Flix, 11:15 p.m.): And now let’s complete the trifecta, “Which Kicking And Screaming is this?” Come on, Will Ferrell youth soccer movie, come on, Will Ferrell youth soccer movie… “Generation X graduates are in quarter-life crisis mode when they have to move on from college and enter the world of adulthood.” Ah well, maybe next time.

NHL Hockey: Los Angeles Kings at Minnesota Wild (NBC Sports, 8:30 p.m.): After suffering through a turmoil-laden season that saw them fail to even make the playoffs and have a chance to defend their Stanley Cup, the Kings are atop the Pacific Division and already assured of a chance to add to their trophy collection. As for the Wild … ooh boy, we just feel sorry for Minnesota, considering they’re one of the three cities, along with Quebec City and Hartford, that saw their teams win a title in short order after fleeing south. At least they got a team back … though given the Wild’s track record, we’re not sure that’s all that much of a consolation.

In case you missed it AKA “That’s gotta be Kane!”

Supergirl: We’re on the road to Wrestlemania, but since we still don’t really understand any of what’s happening on said road, we thought we’d take a moment and pay tribute to Kane. Yes, Kane. We realize there are plenty good reasons to be tired of the Demon, especially given what may well have been his umpteenth heel turn on last night’s Raw, but the guy is kind of the epitome of “perfectly serviceable and surprisingly funny” when used right, which admittedly isn’t near enough. Still, there’s a reason Daniel Bryan singled him out for a shout-out in his recent retirement speech.

And here’s one with a big movie star and a Floridian tort law enthusiast. (We would mention the whole “mega racist” thing, but we feel like that’s already heavily implied by the “Floridian tort law enthusiast” bit.)