Here are a few facts about Pamela Anderson's new E! show, Girl On The Loose:

—It's Pamela Anderson's "story"

—"Nothing is contrived," even though the first episode centers on Anderson having a yard sale—a classic reality show contrivance pioneered by Tori Spelling.

—Cameras follow her around

—The show opens with Anderson musing, "There's an image of me, and then there's how I really am…"

Sounds like yet another run-o-the-mill reality show, right? Wrong. According to Pam, her reality show isn't a reality show: it's an 8-part documentary series.

See? It has poor sound quality, many, many blurry filters, and no semblance of an interesting plot–in other words, it's arty! Pam would never do a reality show! Although she would do a reality show covered in semantics. Still, "8-part documentary series" sounds a little pretentious for the former star of Stacked. If Pam doesn't want to admit to herself that her reality show is a reality show, she should call it an "In-depth Boredom Investigation," or an "Unscripted, Totally-Drama-Free Drama." Those labels seem more fitting.