Now that Warner Bros. has announced plans to debut its entire slate of 2021 releases on HBO Max at the same they hit theaters, the end—or at least the dramatic transformation—of the movie theater industry seems all but inevitable. This news has prompted people to reflect back on the kind of theater experiences they’ll miss most, like the sense of community that comes from simultaneously experiencing film as a group, the simple pleasure of visiting a place that can temporarily erase the worries of daily life, or, most importantly, figuring out what kind of food you can reasonably sneak into the place without getting caught.
Yesterday, @LocalSoundwave asked Twitter to share examples of their food crimes “now that movie theaters are dead and can’t arrest us,” kicking off the thread with their own contribution: Taking in “a Popeye’s Chicken sandwich in my jacket like it was a colt 45.”
The real heroes have gone much further than a simple sandwich. The replies are full of people who tasted glory by testing the limits of a teenage theater usher’s ability to give a shit about business rules. There’s the person whose sister brought a tamale in their pocket, another who snuck in a bottle of wine, glasses, brie, and a baguette, and the moviegoer who bore witness to a woman hiding half a watermelon under her shirt.
There’s also the person who sat next to a woman who had “an entire Thanksgiving meal” wrapped up in her purse, someone who found a birthday cake that had been chewed on as if by a giant theater rat, and the cautionary tale of a guy who tried to keep a Wendy’s Frosty in each pocket.
The lessons of all these master criminals have now been preserved, though when (or if) we may get a chance to use them in their proper context is anyone’s guess. For now, they serve as a warning to any theaters that are able to open once the pandemic is over: Maybe make the concessions a bit cheaper or your seats will be covered in melted Frosty, watermelon pulp, and old brie.
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