Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Possibly Fake Letters To People Magazine

People Magazine is one of the only tabloids that has a "Letters To The Editor" section––which is good because it's usually more fun to read than the magazine itself. After extensive research (I thumbed through three back issues over lunch), I've concluded the letters that people write to People fall into one of four categories. They are: 1. I'm Writing A Letter! Yea! "Baby Shiloh is a lucky girl! I wish the golden couple much happiness with their three kids." —Wendy A. Gargiulo (in response to the arrival of the non-adopted Jolie-Pitt) "Bravo! I applaud the dieters who've worked so hard to get healthy and reach their goals!" —Suzanne Thompson (in response to some article about people who lost half their body weight) 2. What Is This Garbage? These People Disgust Me. "Great! Yet another baby born out of wedlock. These people read lines for a living; you'd think they'd be able to read the directions on a contraceptive package." —Leona Salazar (in response to the arrival of the non-adopted Jolie-Pitt) "Please, every time you do an article on weight loss, everyone who lost weight now wears a size 8. I don't buy it. The only place the women in your article wear a size 8 is in their dreams." —Renee L. Raymond (in response to some article about people who lost half their body weight) 3. I Have Problems. "My laser eye surgery turned out badly, and now I have to wear special contacts. I will have no further surgery, and I hope Kenny doesn't risk any either" —Phyllis Knapp (in response to photos of Kenny Rogers' new, plastic-surgeried face) "I am a mother of 5, with 3 in their late teens and early twenties, who have MySpace Web sites. I made a MySpace site of my own so that I could view all the postings and pictures and read comments and bulletins. I've found that the best way to know what's going on in my children's lives is to jump in." —Laura B. (in response to some article about how MySpace could, in fact, molest your children) 4. Mom-ish Sexual Attraction: "'Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm 64?' I would!!" —Nancy Mandeville (in response to a story about Paul McCartney's divorce) "It was worth a trip to the dentist's office to see the photo on page 59 of Taylor Hicks on the back of that pickup truck! When will the poster be for sale?" —Berta Blackwell (in response to a photo of the possibly neutered Taylor Hicks sitting on a truck in a completely non-suggestive way) So, do real people actually write these? I think the ones in the first and last categories are at least partially manufactured by hard-working interns. But the problem ones are just too depressing to be fake. What does everyone else think?


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