Pride And Prejudice And Zombies loses yet another director who will never love it the way a zombie movie is meant to be loved

Like a young lady of considerable dowry consigned to a lifetime of spinsterhood simply because she’s filled her willful head with obsession over an increasingly exhausted horror genre, the adaptation of Seth Grahame-Smith’s Pride And Prejudice And Zombies has spurned yet another suitor, losing its third director since the project was announced. Only six months after asking for its hand, Fright Night’s Craig Gillespie is the latest to leave the film, slinking away before first light after having a fitful row over casting that the producers have nevertheless deemed “amicable” from behind their crumpled, tear-stained handkerchiefs, insisting that someday they’ll find the right man to help them realize their dreams of telling a Jane Austen story intercut with martial arts battles against the undead—no they are not too mulish and headstrong, father, this is the way of things and it is called progress!