Here’s what’s going on in the world of television Monday, August 25th. All times are Eastern.
The 66th Primetime Emmy Awards (NBC, 8 p.m.): As the sun rises, so too does the anticipation for a nation of obsessive television fans for the Emmys, their annual sacrificial lamb. They stretch their weary limbs and shuffle over to their computers, groggy from lack of sleep. They’ve spent countless passionate nights in the throes of comments sections, righteous outcries, and vigorous debates on the merits of Robin Wright versus Tatiana Maslany or the indignity of including (elaborate eye roll) The Big Bang Theory. The fervor has had its ebbs and flows, but tonight… tonight, a new debate of what’s right and so fucking wrong begins anew.
Elsewhere, first-time host Seth Meyers swings his legs over the side of his bed and slides his feet into his crisp dress loafers, which have been waiting patiently there all week—or maybe all his life. He brushes his teeth and stares at his bleak reflection, unsure if he’s more nervous, excited, or ill. Tina and Amy reassured him that the nausea is normal, but he’s not so sure. Fred wouldn’t be nauseous, anyway.
But the show must go on, and so it will. No matter what he does, the Emmys will be a maelstrom of kudos and disappointments, surprises and “surprises,” drinking games and pithy memes. Tweets sent in a panic, lest some other aspiring comedian makes the joke first. Fiftysomething actresses in their off-duty glasses photobombing stone-faced teenagers. An actor who grew a Biblical beard “for a role,” but really just to see if he could. Something about Sofia Vergara’s ample bosom. Bono, probably. As this awards show was in the beginning, it is now and ever shall be, and Seth Meyers will live and die by its hand.
Or he’ll do fine and life will go on exactly as usual, so what, who cares, the Emmys are a sham, man!
Excellence in Dissecting Cartoon Allegory: Oliver Sava for Gargoyles (3 p.m.)
Achievement In Sticking With A Literally Suffocating Concept: Scott Von Doviak for Under The Dome (CBS, 10 p.m.)
In absentia: Jason Heller’s Young Ones reviews, which will return next week.
Best Direction of Attention to Guest Stars Turned Recurring Characters: this week’s A.V. Inventory team (Andrea Battleground, Erik Adams, Caroline Framke, Brandon Nowalk, Sean O’Neal, Genevieve Valentine, and Scott Von Doviak)
Best Supporting True Blood Finale Piece: Phillip Dyess-Nugent for wading through True Blood’s myriad ups and downs in our latest TV Club 10
Achievement In Making Our Skin Crawl Clear Off Our Bodies: Bachelor In Paradise (ABC, 8 p.m.), in which a bachelor “is in danger of going home when another moves in on his territory.” (We will only retract this dubious honor if “his territory” turns out to be a tropical timeshare and not, you know, a human woman.)
Honorable Mention for Achievement In Making Our Skin Crawl Clear Off Our Bodies: Partners (FX, 9 p.m.), for actually for real titling an episode, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Butt-Ugly.”
Best Supporting Childhood Flashback: T.I. And Tiny (VH1, 8:30 p.m.), in which “a new family business venture centers on lemonade.”
Outstanding Movie Option In A Sea Of Summer Marathons: Goodfellas (AMC, 5 p.m.).
Outstanding Sports Option In A Sea Of Preemptive Football Things: U.S. Open Tennis, first round (ESPN2, 3 p.m.)
Technical Difficulties (Technology): So yeah, this What’s On Tonight went up early. We were least pleased, because we spent some time crafting what is essentially Seth Meyers fanfiction specifically for Emmy Day, but what can you do. Apologies for the confusion.
In Memoriam: True Blood (2008-2014)
Carrie Raisler’s time in Bon Temps has finally come to an end. She stuck through every single episode of this show for us, so we owe it to her to promote the hell out of her review of the series finale.