Rose McGowan urges fans, media: Don't blame Asia Argento for Anthony Bourdain's death
In recent years, mental health advocates have been pushing for a small, but significant, change in the way we report on suicide: “Do not write ‘committed suicide’— the term is ‘died by suicide,’” organizations like the WHO suggest. That signals a shift away from the stigma that taking one’s own life is a hurtful, selfish, or even criminal act, and towards compassion for the victims who couldn’t go on any longer and for those they leave behind. Today, actress and advocate Rose McGowan released an open letter, reportedly written on behalf of her friend Asia Argento, addressing the death of Anthony Bourdain this past Friday that’s very much in line with that recommendation.
Bourdain’s death by suicide was shocking to many who admired him, and who found it incomprehensible that such a curious person, someone who seemed to deeply love life, could decide that they had had enough of it. And when something is that terrifyingly incomprehensible, it’s human nature to start looking for explanations. For scapegoats. McGowan’s open letter is a reminder that we should resist this urge, out of respect not only for the dead but for their survivors—like Argento, who was dating Bourdain at the time of his death and who has been the subject of speculation (particularly in the European tabloid press, which was similarly unkind after Argento revealed she had been raped by ex-movie mogul Harvey Weinstein) that she, or problems in their relationship, were somehow responsible for Bourdain’s suicide.
It’s also a reminder that telling someone to “reach out,” while well-intentioned, is only part of the equation, as McGowan says Bourdain did seek medical help for his depression before his death. That’s a point that’s been made many times over in the past few days, by people who have survived suicide attempts or suicidal thoughts and who shared what helped them through on social media. (You can read some of those threads here.)
Suicide is tragic. It’s confusing for those who are left behind. But it’s never an excuse to lash out in anger: “You must not sink to that level. Suicide is a horrible choice, but it is that person’s choice,” McGowan writes. The whole letter, which was sent to The A.V. Club along with other members of the press in an email, is below.
Dear Fellow Humans,
Sitting across from me is the remarkable human and brave survivor, Asia Argento, who has been through more than most could stand, and yet stand she does. She stood up to her monster rapist and now she has to stand up to yet another monster, suicide. The suicide of her beloved lover and ally, Anthony Bourdain. I write these truths because I have been asked to. I know so many around the world thought of Anthony Bourdain as a friend and when a friend dies, it hurts. Many of these people who lost their ‘friend’ are wanting to lash out and blame. You must not sink to that level. Suicide is a horrible choice, but it is that person’s choice.
When Anthony met Asia, it was instant chemistry. They laughed, they loved and he was her rock during the hardships of this last year. Anthony was open with his demons, he even wrote a book about them. In the beginning of their relationship, Anthony told a mutual friend, “He’s never met anyone who wanted to die more than him.” And through a lot of this last year, Asia did want the pain to stop. But here’s the thing, over their time together, thankfully, she did the work to get help, so she could stay alive and live another day for her and her children. Anthony’s depression didn’t let him, he put down his armor, and that was very much his choice. His decision, not hers. His depression won. Anthony and Asia had a free relationship, they loved without borders of traditional relationships, and they established the parameters of their relationship early on. Asia is a free bird, and so was Anthony. Was. Such a terrible word to write. I’ve heard from many that the past two years they were together were some of his happiest and that should give us all solace.