On Tuesday’s Jimmy Kimmel Live (home edition), Kimmel got some bad news from guest Samuel L. Jackson. Video-chatting live from the screening room in his guest house (hey, it’s good to be Samuel L. Jackson), the actor informed Kimmel that Kimmel’s long begged-for tagalong on one of Jackson and pal Magic Johnson’s Instagram-worthy European vacations was most definitely, responsibly, and categorically off. “This was your year!,” beamed Jackson after noting emphatically that Kimmel’s dreams of being one of the globe-trotting, gelato-eating, yacht-sailing boys had been safely scrapped, especially since their intended destination of Italy remains one of the world’s coronavirus epicenters. Kimmel did his best to keep his wannabe cool guy dreams alive, pitching that Italy will need some tourism help once the COVID-19 crisis finally abates, but Jackson’s grinning, consolation buzzer-sounding “Eh-eh,” sure seemed like a final answer.
Still, as the pair continued their remote interview (Jackson sporting a bright purple T-shirt emblazoned with a caricature of—who else?—Samuel L. Jackson), the actor did bring Kimmel something of a compensatory talk show gift. Whipping out what he claimed was a copy of author Adam Mansbach’s latest, cuss-word punctuated “children’s books for adults,” Jackson gave a premiere of the no-doubt coming bestseller of an audiobook for Mansback’s pandemic-themed Go The Fuck To Sleep spinoff, entitled (naturally) Stay The Fuck At Home. And while some people prefer the frank, no-politics tone of current coronavirus czar and desperately needed voice of reason Dr. Anthony Fauci in these trying times, there’s something undeniably cathartic about Samuel L. Jackson giving profanely poetic vent to the exasperated rage of those of us watching spring breakers, Republican governors, and assorted dingbats flout the life-saving counsel of medical professionals the world over by not—to paraphrase Jackson’s narration—staying the fuck at home.
And while, for some, the novelty of an innocuous-looking kids book being filled with cozily rhyming obscenities is a single joke that’s run it’s impossibly lucrative course, Jackson’s signature way of finding the music in the word “motherfucker” remains pretty amusing. Tossing in some genuine basic COVID-19 common sense, like “Wash your hands, stop touching your face, and stay the fuck at home,” Jackson’s rendition of the book’s sometimes-tortured verse (“stay the fuck home as if your name was Trenton Quarantino”?) got the quick-and-dirty laughs it was going for. And while it’s unclear just when (or if) you can purchase a hard copy of Mansbach’s newest tome, Sam’s got America covered. (He and Kimmel also pitched for people to donate to the charity Feeding America, so, to once more paraphrase Mr. Jackson, donate some fucking money to those in need.)