Sir Isaac Newton to empirically kick some ass in action movie from Fast And The Furious director

By Sean O'Neal | June 8, 2012 | 8:04pm

Aux Features Film

In the tradition of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, the dueling Starz and Universal reimaginings of Leonardo da Vinci as both lothario and swashbuckler, and slapping the books out of the hands of history nerds and yelling, "What? Live in the now, bitch," The Fast And The Furious director Rob Cohen has announced plans to craft an action franchise based around Sir Isaac Newton, the towering thinker who set the standard for empirical science for centuries to come like bladowwwww. Not that Cohen plans to delve into Newton's epochal work in advancing the studies of physics or mathematics, or dwell on such well-thumbed chapters of his life as the encounter with an apple that led to Newton his formulating his theory of gravitation, despite this seemingly lending itself to a super-sweet sequence of rapid-edits.

Instead, Cohen's story will focus on Newton's later years as the head of the Royal Mint, with his film casting Newton as a "detective"—perhaps one aided by Newton's older partner John Locke, as sort of an Enlightenment-age Lethal Weapon—with Newton devoting himself primarily to hunting down counterfeiters (and, should Cohen show any interest in actual history, slowly falling apart thanks to a system ravaged by alchemy-provoked mercury poisoning). Still, you can definitely expect the film to adhere to Newton's three Laws of Motion: 1) A body in motion will stay in motion unless it's acted on by an outside force, such as Isaac Newton; 2) For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, especially if that action is fucking with Isaac Newton; and 3) Always. Be. Kicking. Ass.