Human scarecrow Teri Hatcher recently "wrote" a book called Burnt Toast: And Other Philosophies, in which––I'm assuming––she makes the mere existence of burnt toast into some kind of lesson about getting what you want out of life (as long as it's not food).

Anyway, I'm sure the simple fact that Teri Hatcher put out a book (that you can purchase!) is thrilling to most of you, but did you know that

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Burnt Toast also has an Official Store? It's true! Check it out here. You can buy some darling t-shirts and tank tops with Teri Hatcher's signature phrase "Burnt Toast: Don't Eat It" emblazoned on them. ("Food: Don't Eat It" t-shirts are strangely unavailable). And you can buy a gold piece of burnt toast on a chain. For $120.

Never one to be outdone, Star Jones is also offering merchandise tied in with her book

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Shine: A Physical, Emotional, And Spiritual Journey To Finding Love on her website. Well, actually, the merchandise has nothing to do with her book. She's selling wigs.

Sometimes crappy memoirs just aren't enough. (That's the old Star Jones in the wig photo, not the new

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hammerhead-shark-esque Star Jones.) So, who's buying? Also, please don't.