Over the past 50 seasons, fans have had many complaints and concerns about CBS’s Survivor, an inevitability for a pop culture institution that’s been running for this long, and with this much at stake in terms of both actual cash, and the amount of space it occupies in fans’ brains. Finally, though, host and executive producer Jeff Probst has announced that the series is addressing the number one question that people always ask when they discus the long-running reality competition, i.e., why the hell is it a TV game show with humans, instead of a scripted animated comedy movie about talking animals?
This oversight has now been addressed at long last, per Probst’s Instagram, where he cheerfully announced this evening that the series is teaming up with Paramount Animation for this natural transition into the world of funny talking animals. “Imagine, a big, fun, animated comedy, about Survivor, in the animal kingdom,” Probst declares, refusing to let even a hint that he knows how absurd what he’s saying is slip into his voice. Suggesting that making a Survivor movie featuring talking animals is really just an outgrowth of the show’s interest in “personalities,” Probst promises that this will all be fun, with the “for my bank account” codicil being left notably unsaid.
Per Variety, Paramount has confirmed the news, including providing a logline for the film: “Set on a remote and mystical island, animals from all around the globe compete for a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be crowned the sole Survivor.” (Which makes us wonder if this whole thing is just an excuse for Survivor to actually throw some dang magic in the mix for once, after more than two decades of having to keep its love of mystical nonsense at its trapped-in-the-real-world edges.) Even so, we still have some questions: Who’s writing and directing the film? Is it the result of a pitch Survivor made to Paramount, or the other way around? Will we be able to bet on the eventual winner of this scripted competition on Kalshi? Do the show’s producers know Total Drama Island already exists? Oh, and while we’re thinking about it: Why the hell is this movie a thing?
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