Like all great Empires, the United States measures the success of its civilization not on the amount of transcendent art produced, or the happiness of its citizens, but rather on the ability of jacked-up amateur athletes to run some sort of obstacle course and then bump chests, or maybe pat each other’s butts. In recent years, that ritual has taken place on American Ninja Warrior, a televised display of both male and female bro-dom that is nevertheless incredibly addicting to watch. (And incredibly difficult, to boot—it wasn’t until a year ago that someone finally won.)
But human tests of endurance are nothing if not limited by dint of us all being the same species. Which is why it’s so important to get representatives of other animals to help represent the breadth of diversity on this planet, especially when it comes to creatures that have been extinct for 65 million years. Thus, last night, a T. Rex ran the American Ninja Warrior course, and—frankly—kicked a lot of ass, almost making it all the way to the wall that ends the ordeal. Watch the achievement above, and marvel at the notion that an animal who doesn’t even possess opposable thumbs can straight-up hang from a spinning wheel atop an obstacle course.
