The BBC reviving Teletubbies for new generation of children on drugs

Concerned that today’s children simply do not have enough semi-educational programming to get high to, the BBC has announced that it’s reviving Teletubbies after a nearly 13-year absence. The network’s CBeebies channel will soon be home to 60 new episodes of the show about four brightly colored alien toddlers with televisions for stomachs, a nonsensical babble for a language, an anthropomorphic vacuum cleaner for a friend, and no purpose beyond playing games in the grass of their pastoral idyll—a charmed life that appeals equally to preschool-aged kids and anyone else who’s not ready to go to work just yet.