Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

The Jonas Brothers Wish You An Awkward Holiday

It's the day before Thanksgiving, a time filled with food, family, relentless ads for "doorbuster" sales, and numerous fear-mongering news reports about how the airports are busier than they've ever been and ohmygod it's complete chaos, so if you're traveling you better allow yourself some extra time (but if you do then you'll just be sitting at a stupid crowded airport for an extra hour alongside thousands of others who freaked out and got there early).

But thanks to People Magazine's special Holiday entertaining issue, we now know what Thanksgiving and the holiday season is like for a select group of celebrities. For example, for inexplicable teen heartthrobs The Jonas Brothers, the holidays are about filling their heads with fresh Styrofoam, and posing for excruciatingly stiff portraits alongside designated holiday and family signifiers like a Christmas tree, and a little Jonas brother.

Illustration for article titled The Jonas Brothers Wish You An Awkward Holiday
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The mechanical smiles, the oddly empty surroundings, the suffocating awkwardness, the Disney wholesome heartthrob costumes, the dog that has to be propped up by the "duh"-faced one: it's just all so mesmerizing. This picture is like a magic eye poster, if you keep staring at the center, and sort of unfocus your eyes, eventually you'll see the 3-D laughing disembodied head of Walt Disney.

Have these people met before? Are they even from the same manufacturing facility? Is that a soundstage? So many questions. Then there's the section where each Jonas family member explains their favorite ornament, their dead eyes glistening:

Illustration for article titled The Jonas Brothers Wish You An Awkward Holiday
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Illustration for article titled The Jonas Brothers Wish You An Awkward Holiday

(See the rest, at your own risk, here.)

In short: This thanksgiving we can all be thankful we're not under contractual obligation to be part of the Jonas Brothers' husk family.

Happy Thanksgiving! Regularly scheduled hating will resume on Monday.

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