It’s hard to think of any public figure who deserves an ass-kicking more than Fox News’ Tucker Carlson. Night after night, befuddled expression on his face while he espouses a barely obscured white supremacy couched in“civil” doublespeak, Carlson all but begs for someone to come along and return his aggression with some of their own.
Well, following one of his recent tirades against the usual suspects—Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, feminism, and, uh, doing anything about climate change—Desus & Mero’s The Kid Mero has started relentlessly goofing on Carlson. Mero was inspired by the very tough Fox host’s description of MSNBC’s Chris Hayes as “what every man would be if feminists ever achieved absolute power in this country: apologetic, bespectacled, and deeply concerned about global warming.”
Replying to a now-deleted tweet, Mero provides the lovely image of Carlson’s retired—but never forgotten—bowtie spinning “around like Daffy Duck’s beak” after getting hit. He also paints a vivid picture of the Fox host throwing “a haymaker that misses badly but propels him into a wall,” which is absolutely gorgeous.
Too much momentum to stop, Mero continues to very accurately sum up Carlson as the overgrown version of the schoolyard snitch.
If any of this seems like too much, consider Carlson’s rhetorical question of how “a member of Congress who hasn’t yet turned 30—someone who’s never even raised children—[gets] the right to lecture me about morality?” from the segment and understand that Mero is more than justified in calling him everything from “anthropomorphic baby penis” and “scrubbed potato with a wig on,” to “a fuckin worm in a bowtie and a 3rd grade haircut.”
Carlson’s Twitter defenders haven’t fared much better, Mero blessing us with descriptions of them like “human prostrate exam” and “Duck Dynasty ass clownburger.”
The entire thing is extremely cathartic, Mero acting as the channeled id of anyone who’s ever sat through one of Carlson’s shows. Through his tweets, we can all enjoy someone giving voice to viewers unable to find the right selection of words to sum up the stunned frustration inspired by the kind of guy who willfully thwarts social progress with sarcasm-dripping monologues and smug older brother giggles about how everyone is wrong except for him.
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