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The Oscars have no time for Muppets, but they will have Cirque Du Soleil

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The Oscars’ recent banishing of Best Original Song performances may have ensured that The Muppets will not be allowed to make a mockery of what is an otherwise very dignified round of masturbation, but it also raised a tangential concern—namely, whether the ceremony would still feature a gaudy, prolonged, interpretive dance number. But fear not: Today the Academy confirms via press release that the intangible magic of movies will be expressed by guys in tights contorting themselves, as Cirque du Soleil assembles its largest-ever cast for a single performance and reprises, with the help of composer Danny Elfman, its recent showcase, “IRIS, A Journey Through The World of Cinema.” Fittingly, that show was itself inspired by the ensemble’s last Oscars performance in 2002, which you can revisit below. Basically, imagine this happening again, only with Billy Crystal coming out afterward and joking that “Christopher Plummer is really flexible” or something.