Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Monday, January 25. All times are Eastern.
Lucifer (Fox, 9 p.m.): Cop Devil! Devil Cop!? Alright, that’s not as catchy as “Cop Mom! Mom Cop!” but we can work on it. So, just how is Fox selling this newest version of a show about a cop who is also something else? “Meet Los Angeles’ newest hellraiser.” Ugh. Let us back up. Fox’s Lucifer is very loosely based on the Vertigo comic of the same name. Hey, the last Vertigo comic to be loosely adapted for television was iZombie, and that show is dope as heck. There’s no reason Lucifer couldn’t be dope as—you guessed it—hell, right?
As for the actual plot: “Upon leaving hell, Lucifer Morningstar retreats to Los Angeles for a more exciting life. When the murder of a friend connects him with LAPD detective Chloe Decker, Lucifer becomes intrigued with the idea of punishing criminals, sending the devil himself into a struggle between good and evil.” Okay, uh huh, we see. Alasdair Wilkins’ pre-air review of the series calls it “so-stupid-it’s-almost brilliant,” which is definitely something. But we like Tom Ellis (not enough to have watched Rush, but still), so let’s do this. Wait, wait, wait—“Devil Detective!” Insert SportsCenter riff here.
Supergirl (CBS, 8 p.m.): This week’s episode of Supergirl (which, sadly, does not feature Emma Caulfield) is titled “Strange Visitor From Another Planet.” Yes, this episode—and this episode alone—is titled that. Weird. Anyway, “Kara must help Hank face his painful past when a White Martian, a member of the alien race that wiped out his people, kidnaps Senator Miranda Crane, an anti-alien politician.” Anti-alien politician? Insert obvious joke right here, Caroline Siede.
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (The CW, 8 p.m.): What would you have done if we’d made this the top pick again? Nothing—that’s what! Anyway… The CW is back with a fresh (let’s bring that one back, WB style) episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, “I’m Going To The Beach With Josh And His Friends!” Does this possibly mean the return of the human puppy dog that is White Josh? Please, please, please. He can drive the party bus. Oh yeah, there’s a party bus: “In an attempt to impress join Josh’s friend group, Rebecca rents a party bus to take the group to the beach. On the trip, Rebecca learns more about her new friends than she expected and makes a surprising revelation herself.” You had Allison Shoemaker (and the rest of us) at “party bus.”
The X-Files (Fox, 8 p.m.): Oh yeah, it’s the season premiere of The X-Files continuation. Part. Two. Are you feeling this? Are you feeling the truth? X-Files things! (You may already know how your friendly neighborhood What’s On Tonight contributor feels about all of this, so please bear with.) “Founder’s Mutation” has everything! And when we say “everything,” we’re literally only talking about Desperate Housewives and Melrose Place’s Doug Savant. As for the episode itself: “When a scientist suddenly commits suicide, Mulder and Scully investigate what unseen force may have driven him to it. What they uncover is a laboratory where extreme genetic experimentation has been going on for decades, breeding subjects who possess unexpected and dangerous powers—and who harbor deep resentments.” Yep, sounds like The X-Files. Right, Zack Handlen?
Wander Over Yonder (Disney XD, 8:30 p.m.): You want some Wander Over Yonder? We’ve got your Wander Over Yonder. New episodes begin with a double-dose of animated… “fun.” First up, in “The Secret Planet,” “Wander’s white lie sets off a ridiculous chain of events that threatens to expose a hidden planet to Lord Dominator.” Then, in “The Bad Hatter,” “Lord Hater gets more than he bargained for when he steals Wander’s hat in order to impress Lord Dominator.” Like we said: “fun.” Also, is this supposed to be a kids’ show? Please explain, Kevin Johnson.
American Dad (TBS, 8:30 p.m.): Eleven. Seasons. That’s just good for America and dads. We know what you’re aggressively thinking: Are we doing weekly reviews of the series yet? The answer is no. But, your friendly neighborhood What’s On Tonight contributor did just add the entire series to her Favorites on Hulu, so fingers crossed. One day. Anyway, the episode is titled “Roots,” and “conventional” TV listing sites have given absolutely no synopsis for it. We’re assuming it’s a shot-for-shot animated Roots remake then.
Jane The Virgin (The CW, 9 p.m.): Jane is back, and her new TA status has her working with a classroom full of Rafaels. Just kidding. But not really. Check it: “She is beginning her new job as a TA and is faced with a class full of basketball players looking for an easy A.” Replace “basketball players” with “poor little rich boys” and it tracks. Meanwhile, things get real as “Petra confesses all to Rafael and is determined to put her mother away for good.” Please let it stick, Jane The Virgin. Please. The longer things with Petra’s mom go, the more Oliver Sava has to adjust his yearly Halloween costume to include the woman’s numerous deformities.
War & Peace (A&E/History Channel/Lifetime, 9 p.m.): Didn’t get enough War & Peace last week? Well, probably, because it was part one of four. That’s just simply not a complete story. This week is part two. It’s also not a complete story, but you know. It’s closer.
Angie Tribeca (TBS, 9 p.m.): Technically, Angie Tribeca already premiered in its entirety, but if you’re not a marathoner, you probably missed it. If you need to watch it week-by-week, here’s your chance to start at the pilot. Hey, your friendly neighborhood What’s On Tonight Contributor likes it—that should be enough.
F-f-f-Freeform! Ah, we love it. ABC Family didn’t just become an all-new network, it has all-new programming now too. Kyle Fowle actually provided us with a pre-air review of such new programming, Recovery Road. Troubled youths with substance abuse issues on the network formerly known as Fox Family. No, this isn’t just a Higher Ground reboot. Though we kind of wish it were. That Canadian cast. That ear-bleeding theme song. Freeform. 9 p.m. Now you know.
And hey, do you like magic? Hehe, nerd. But now that we know you’re a nerd, we can hook you up with the pre-air review for Syfy’s new series (based on books, you nerd), The Magicians. Nerd. (We’re pretty sure we’ve used this “nerd” bit before and fairly recently, but if it works, it works.) By the way, the series premiere of The Magicians is a two-episode premiere starting at 9 p.m on Syfy, after which Lisa Weidenfeld will magically conjure up a TV Club review. Put that in your pocket protector.
Uncle Grandpa (Cartoon Network, 5:30 p.m.): So, that crazy little show called Uncle Grandpa is back on (it’s been a while), and with it comes a brand new episode called “The Lepre Con.” Get it? Like “leprechaun.” We think. You get it. We’ve still only seen the Steven Universe episode that features Uncle Grandpa.
The Bachelor / Bachelor Live (ABC, 8 / 10 p.m.): “Multi-talented Entertainer Terry Fator Shares the Stage with 12 Beautiful Women as They Reveal Secret Talents. Will Becca Walk Down the Aisle in Las Vegas?” These are definitely words that are in a particular order.
Kids Baking Championship (Food Network, 8 p.m.): What is a “Macaron Stackaron”? Is it a thing? Youths!
The Fosters (Freeform, 8 p.m.): Now that we’re down here, we can be honest: We still keep wanting to type “ABC Family.” It’s like writing “2015” on checks, if people still use checks. According to the episode synopsis for this episode, literally nothing has changed since the first half of season three. We’re serious. “Callie realizes that her website can make a difference for foster youth.” See? We swear she realized that from the moment she came up with the idea for the site. Also, “Brandon is approached by a recruiter from Juilliard,” which we’re sure will turn into Brandon finding a reason to complain about how his life is so hard or getting addicted to meth or something. That’s kind of his thing. Ah, we really have missed you, The Fosters.
Superstore (NBC, 8 p.m.): “Color Wars”—they’re just like race wars, we presume. Only on network television. NBC: We peacock race wa— Time out. Record scratch. Watch Superstore, guys!
Love & Hip Hop (VH1, 8 p.m.): Who cares? Stevie J and Joseline have finally gotten their own spin-off!
Telenovela (NBC, 8:30 p.m.): “A piano on set brings out the musical side of the cast.” Yes! Musical episode! Only seven episodes into the show’s first season! That’s how you break the rules in network television, Telenovela! Meanwhile, in non-musical things: “When things start to move too quickly, Ana uses the excuse that James is her boss to get out of the relationship, but the plan backfires.” Hopefully she attempts to sing it out. Or at least let Zachary Levi sing. Please, can we please have the show go full-musical?
Vanderpump Rules (Bravo, 9 p.m.): “The Bitch Is Back,” huh? Too easy.
Scorpion (CBS, 9 p.m.): This week’s episode of Scorpion is titled “Da Bomb.” Stop it, Scorpion.
The Biggest Loser (NBC, 9 / 10 p.m.): Another week, another way for The Biggest Loser to pick on its competitors in two back-to-back new episodes. Don’t believe us, just read: “The challenge gives one team the choice of relaxing on a yacht for an entire day reading letters from loved ones or getting exclusive access to the gym.” We told you.
Stevie J & Joseline Go Hollywood (VH1, 9 p.m.): If you’ve ever seen an episode of Love & Hip Hop, you probably realized almost immediately that Stevie J and Joseline are cast members who solely exist to try and get their own spin-off. So after years of fighting and incoherent ranting, their hard work has finally paid off. Dreams do come true, and they take you to Hollywood. Oh, Stevie J’s kids are involved too, for some reason. We doubt that was in the initial plans while plotting for a spin-off though.
NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS, 9:59 p.m.): “When Kensi and Deeks announce to the team they are moving in together, coincidentally, Hetty assigns them to protection detail for Jack (Matthew Del Negro), Kensi’s ex-fiancé, who is in possession of a list containing important contacts in Afghanistan that people are willing to kill to get their hands on.” Exaggerated collar tug? Exaggerated collar tug.
House Hunters / House Hunters International (HGTV, 10 / 10:30 p.m.): “Hip Couple Looks For A Home With Style In Frederick, MD.” Is this an episode title or a dirty classifieds listing, House Hunters? (Also, what are newspapers?) Then, there’s “Lake Como Como Como Chameleon.” Boy George spits on your title, House Hunters International. Unless, um, he’s a guest in this episode. Then go on with your ’80s self. The House Hunters title is still ridiculous either way.
Teen Mom OG (MTV, 10 p.m.): In “The Big Day,” we can only assume that all of the children of said OG teen moms rebel and go into witness protection.
Fameless (TruTV, 10 / 10:30 p.m.): “Issues Don’t Need Tissues.” Alright then.
Watch What Happens Live (Bravo, 11 p.m.): Stassi Schroeder from Vanderpump Rules is here tonight, but so is The O.C.’s (and Nashville’s) Chris Carmack! We’ll allow it.
Unfinished Betrayal (Lifetime Movie Network, 8 p.m.): What a movie title. That’s really what sold us on this. But then we read the synopsis for this 2013 film: “A woman grows suspicious of a contractor she hires to help remodel her new home.” The contractor? Played by Danny Trejo. Yes.
College Basketball: Duke at Miami (ESPN, 7 p.m.)
Women’s Basketball: Tennessee at Kentucky (ESPN2, 7 p.m.)
College Basketball: Alabama A&M at Southern (ESPNU, 7 p.m.)
College Basketball: Lafayette at Bucknell (CBS Sports, 7:30 p.m.)
NHL Hockey: Sabres at Rangers (NBC Sports, 7:30 p.m.)
NBA Basketball: Magic at Grizzlies (FSN, 8 p.m.)
College Basketball: Kansas at Iowa State (ESPN, 9 p.m.)
Australian Open: Women’s and men’s quarterfinals (ESPN2, 9 p.m.)
The X-Files: Is back. Argh, emotions, right? Right.