Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

This Week In Terrifying Hybrids

This Week In Terrifying Hybrids 1. "If They Mated" + Us Weekly + boredom = Hollywood In 2026

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There are a lot of things wrong with this. Zahara's gigantic nose. The fact that Sean Preston somehow becomes Asian. That

Us Weekly is still publishing in 2026. But the grossest part about this is the disturbing meltiness around the eyes. You would think that a "forensic imaging specialist" would be able to make a composite that doesn't look like someone wearing a fuzzy, unflattering mask complete with frosty highlights.

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(If you want to see the melting process, go

here.) Thanks for making me feel sorry for Barron Trump, Us. 2. Mario Cantone's vocal cords + hair care products + a complete disregard for people's irritation threshold = those "Get Hairapy" ads

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Has anyone else endured these? (Watch one

here, at your own discretion.) Yelling at someone to buy your product is never a good strategy. And hiring Mario Cantone to shriek at people until they buy your product is even worse. It's like aversion therapy. I can't look at a bottle of that shampoo without hearing Cantone nasally screech out, "Yellow!" 3. Dumbells + Sparkly shorts + Bravo's new mission to make a reality show out of every profession = Workout

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Jesus, Bravo, calm down. I don't care how many times you run that "3% Body Fat 97% Drama" promo: Gyms are not interesting. Neither are personal trainers (no matter how spiky their hair). Move on to the next profession-based reality show. Farmers, maybe?

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4. Rachael Ray + Probably some type of head injury = Rachael-isms

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It's bad enough that Ray exists (now in

magazine form!), but do we have to pretend that she's complex? A glossary? I realize that when Ray giggles continuously, it may be hard to understand her, but relentless annoyingness needs no translation. If you need a definition of the word Yum-O ("I say this if something is so good that "yum" just isn't enough of an exclamation. The accent is on the "O" as in, 'Oh! That is so good!'"), then you're probably illiterate, anyway, so it's a moot point. And not everything has to have a T-shirt. Really. The website should be selling earplugs instead.

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