UPDATED: Paul Feig unveils updated Ghostbusters uniforms, proton pack

By B.G. Henne | June 30, 2015 | 5:33pm

Aux Features Film

Ever since Paul Feig tweeted his announcement that the new team of Ghostbusters would be made up of people who are not men, it was as if the earth had been cleaved open and a formless horde of spectral energy was set loose. When Feig made it known that the team would consist of Melissa McCarthy and the SNL alums Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, and Leslie Jones, this ancient being gnashed its fangs and bellowed in fury, “THERE ARE NO FEMALE GHOSTBUSTERS. THERE IS ONLY ZUUL.” Presumably this demonic entity was prophesying the return of Gozer, or maybe it was saying that it’s okay for women to be in a Ghostbusters film, provided they play love interests, receptionists, or satanic hell dogs. And since that time, this writhing mass of primordial malice has been simmering in the darkness, waiting to feast on the next piece of evidence proving that Paul Feig will lay siege to our childhoods with his brazen hubris.

Perhaps sensing the restlessness of this oozing phantasmagorical energy, Feig tweeted a photo of the new Ghostbusters’ uniforms. As the angry spectre raced to catch a glimpse of these uniforms, it cackled in malicious delight. How would these unworthy replacements be dressed? Sun hats and frocks? Would the Ghostbusters shoulder patch be replaced with brooches? There’d definitely be heels, right?

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Actually, it turns out that the uniforms look a lot like the original ones. The image isn’t particularly well-lit, but the one-piece jumpsuits appear to be darker than the tan uniforms of the first Ghostbusters, but lighter than the dark gray outfits from Ghostbusters II. There are no floral patterns or capris; even the work boots are utilitarian. The most obvious departures are a pair of horizontal stripes, which is an obvious hidden shorthand for “Paul Feig is going to ruin this movie with his lady Ghostbusters.”

The creature hissed with smug contentment before retreating into the dark recesses of the earth. Once again, the beast remains dormant, awaiting images of a used pink Volkswagen Cabriolet Ecto-1, or shots of the new Ghostbusters headquarters located above a Lululemon showroom in an abandoned Zumba studio.

Ghostbusters is slated for release on July 22, 2016.

UPDATE: Feig has also unveiled an image of the new Ghostbusters proton pack, which also appears refreshingly free of lady-specific accoutrements like, let’s say, a tampon holster, or maybe some Lisa Frank-type teddy bears and unicorns. An image of the new proton pack is below, along with an image of the original to aid in rational, objective analysis of the differences.