Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

8 Ways Of Looking At The Miss Universe Pageant

I watched the Miss Universe pageant last night for one reason, to see the Project Runway dress that looks like a mauve waterfall. I saw it, and I saw a lot more, so now I present to you 8 ways of looking at the Miss Universe pageant: 1. Tom Green, Pete Sampras' wife, a Telemundo personality of some kind, and Emmitt Smith awkwardly sharing the judges table. 2. The all-important interview competition. I thought Miss Switzerland had lucked out with the question, "You have a special relationship with your sister, right?" But then I heard Miss USA's question, "Why is Lake Tahoe the most inspiring place you've ever been?" Answer: something about snow. 3. Miss USA: All-American jockey.

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4. International

"English/Spanglish" superstar Chelo!

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(I don't know who he is either, but evidently he has more back-up dancers than Madonna) 5. Miss Russia: All-Russian tablecloth.

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6. Nancy O'Dell coming up with creative, yet oddly judgemental ways to call the semi-finalists forth from the pack, "You can stop worrying now, Japan!" 7. This

eerie bootleg video of the "Parade Of Nations." It simultaneously answers the questions, "What is the Parade Of Nations?" and "Why would you make a bootleg of the Miss Universe pageant?" 8. The new Miss Universe, moments before fainting backstage under the crushing weight of her gown and Donald Trump's expectations.

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Did anyone else catch this? (Oh, and don't worry, if you happened to miss this year's pageant, you can purchase photos of your favorite contestant

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here, or send them flowers–along with your condolences–here.)